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Donald Trump, Donald Trump, Donald Trump: Your Weekly Top Ten. (Donald Trump!)
WONKETTE BABY WILL PUT A WAFFLE ON YOUR FACE!
Whoa hey, what's shakin' my Wonkerinos? Yes, it is I, who is called "Evan," and I am here with your Weekly Top Ten reading list. Was your top ten so lonelypants while I was on vacation? You betcha. I'd like to state for the record that, having now met Donna Rose The Wonkette Baby in person, she actually IS that cute, and your editrix is not doing ANY funny business with the camera. It's sort of ridiculous actually.
Well anyway, here is how this thing is going to work. You are going to love us SO HARD by giving us $5 of your moneys. Why? Because we are asking so nicely.
And then you are going to read and laugh at and share all the wonderful top ten stories of the week, which have been chosen as usual by Beyoncé (WE WISH):
1. This week's Off The Menu was just great, as it was about sweet adorable Olds doing sweet adorable Old Things at restaurants. Awwwwww.
2. We are for to be curious, because it sure does seem like Mitt Romney's kinda sorta running for president again. Nah, surely not. OR IS HE?
3. Some chick who has a vagina did real good on Super Tuesday, made a little history, so that's cool, WE GUESS.
4. Speaking of Super Tuesday, do you need your faith in humanity completely restored? Then you should read our liveblog, of Super Tuesday!
5. Speaking of humanity, do you need your faith in bagels restored? Then click here to read Kaili, yelling at you about bagels!
6. Do you know how mad Republicans are (at themselves) that they made Trump happen, all by themselves? SO MAD BRO.
7. Did you miss our beautiful, amazing, wonderful liveblog of the GOP debate this week? Spoiler, it was mostly a bunch of Republicans getting on their knees for Donald Trump.
8. Drunk-ass Sarah Palin has drunk-ass thoughts about silly boy Mitt Romney.
9. Hey, did you miss the GOP debate from the week BEFORE this week? Well, breaking news, the Democrats won it.
10. And finally, New York Times neckbeard Ross Douthat does not think Republicans are to blame for Donald Trump. Nope, that award goes to Barack Obama, THANKS OBAMA.
OK you adorable lovebirds, we're going to give you some privacy so you can read your Top Ten stories without our prying eyes. Don't do anything we wouldn't do!