Donald Trump Fires Pope For Being Bad At Jesus

The highest authority

Holy shots fired! Even New Pope Frank has some unchristian things to say about a certain candidate whose hat he definitely isn't wearing on his blessed head anytime soon:

“A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian,” Francis said when a reporter asked him about Mr. Trump on the papal airliner as he returned to Rome after his six-day visit to Mexico.

Oh Francis. Don't you know that when you come at The Donald, The Donald is going to come right back at you, with fighting words and lawyers and waterboarding (AND WORSE!) and Sternly Worded blog posts? 

If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS’s ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the Pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been President because this would not have happened. ISIS would have been eradicated unlike what is happening now with our all talk, no action politicians.

It's not as if Donald Trump hasn't previously warned the pope about the ISIS terrorists who are coming right for him and his classy mansion:

I’d say ISIS wants to get you. You know that ISIS wants to go in and take over the Vatican, you have heard that, you know that’s a dream of theirs, to go into Italy, you do know that.

But did the pope listen to him? No! Instead, he's listening to the dumb Hispanicans and their malicious LIES ALL LIES propaganda that not all of them are rapists and murderers and no, they're not going to build Trump's dumb wall for him:

The Mexican government and its leadership has made many disparaging remarks about me to the Pope, because they want to continue to rip off the United States, both on trade and at the border, and they understand I am totally wise to them.

Trump went to look at Mexico one time and yell at it from across the border, and the pope really should have tuned in because it was a terrific speech. But instead, in violation of the pledge the Republican National Committee made to Trump that no one is allowed to be mean to him EVER, the pope is personally attacking Trump, so you know where this has to go:

For a religious leader to question a person’s faith is disgraceful. I am proud to be a Christian and as President I will not allow Christianity to be consistently attacked and weakened, unlike what is happening now, with our current President. No leader, especially a religious leader, should have the right to question another man’s religion or faith.

[contextly_sidebar id="bP16nVGGshLLkgRgY9l8fnRQTco7eKDx"]GodDAMN, The Pope, don't you know it's only OK to question another man's religion -- or faith! -- if that man is named Barack Obama and is maybe a Muslim? You can't just go around questioning whether Donald Trump is the greatest Christian of all time, in the whole world! He loves his little wine and crackers and The Art of The Bible , by terrific bestselling author and close personal Trump pal God. And he's not about to let some hack from Italistan attack Christianity itself by saying Trump is kind of an asshole, a little bit. Who does that low-energy loser think he is, THE POPE?!

Now, before you start wondering if this is the one thing that might turn off Trump's holy rollers -- you know, calling the pope a disgrace who should shut his stupid pope hole -- let us dispel with that notion for you right here and now:  

And Jerry Falwell Jr., the president of Liberty University and a supporter of Mr. Trump, said that the pope had crossed a line.

“Jesus never intended to give instructions to political leaders on how to run a country,” Mr. Falwell told CNN.

And to think we were under the impression all this time, from Jerry Falwell and his junior and every other evangelical in America, that Jesus is in fact the boss of us. Silly us.

Too bad for the pope. He seemed nice (sometimes). But now he's made an enemy for life, and when Trump is president, he's probably going to let ISIS go and kill him, to teach him a lesson. Better apologize fast, The Pope. Otherwise, may God have mercy on your soul.

[ NYT / Donald Trump / NYT ]