Donald Trump Up To His Small Penis In Fake 'Hunter Biden's' Computer

Doctors: Giuliani in danger of vanishing up own asshole.

The attempt to manufacture an October Surprise out of a dubious claim about supposed emails by Hunter Biden started unraveling just hours after the New York Post published the story yesterday. That has to be a big disappointment to Donald Trump, who apparently knew in advance that Rudy Giuliani was working on a brilliant ratfucking scheme, according to anonymous insiders who spoke to the Daily Beast about it:

In recent weeks, Donald Trump was made aware of an alleged secret trove of material about Hunter Biden's foreign dealings and private life, and was keen on getting it out into the public domain as soon as possible, according to two sources familiar with the matter.

"Have you heard about this [hard drive]?" one of the people recalled the president asking recently. The president made clear this latest salvo against the Bidens had his approval[.]

Well of course — you wouldn't expect the Great Man to say "Gee, that really strains credulity," because Donald Trump thinks "Credulity" is one of the two or three banks that haven't yet refused to loan him money.

Just to review the allegedly shocking development:  We're supposed to believe that Joe Biden's son dropped off a laptop at a computer shop run by a fervent Trump supporter, then never came back to pick it up, and also that the shop owner made a copy of the hard drive, which happened to include unencrypted emails that supposedly document how Hunter arranged a 2015 meeting between his then-VP dad and a Ukrainian oligarch. Miraculously, the shop owner got that hard drive to Rudy Giuliani's lawyer, and the news happened to come out three weeks before the election. Steve Bannon was in the mix somewhere, too.

How's that for a bombshell? If you're a breathless follower of Fox News, it would surely be very thrilling, if any of it were proven. Except for how none of that narrative makes sense, and the entire "Joe Biden did dirty deeds for his son" narrative was Russian disinformation, full stop. But that was no reason to prevent Donald Trump from being thrilled about the huge story Giuliani was handing to the New York Post,   according to the Daily Beast.

"The president knew [in recent weeks] that Rudy had something big coming on the Biden family," one of these knowledgeable sources said. "I remember hearing…something about files, and corruption, and something about sex and drugs…It was evident that the president was interested and wanted it done before the election."

Multiple senior-level officials in Trumpworld, including some on the reelection effort, were aware of a secret dossier or a hard drive regarding salacious and potentially damaging information on Hunter several weeks before the story broke in the Post , two other individuals with direct knowledge tell The Daily Beast. Some officials were eager to keep hitting the Biden family on corruption allegations before Election Day. It is unclear if any of these officials had direct contact with Giuliani about the exact contents of the hard drive.

Mind you, most Americans aren't watching Fox News 36 hours a day (which you can do if you use TiVo to skip the commercials), so it's unlikely this crap would get much traction even if it weren't already seriously dubious. The computer repair guy can't tell his own story consistently, and told the Daily Beast totally contradictory versions of how the laptop supposedly made its way to the FBI. And the New York Post has so far turned down requests to make the copied hard drive available for examination, which would be needed to figure out when the emails were actually written. The Daily Beast also notes that the information the Post has released is a bit odd, too:

For example, metadata on the PDF files purporting to show Hunter Biden's emails published by the Post suggest they were created on a Mac laptop on September 29 and October 10, 2019—around the same time Giuliani's Ukrainian associates who helped him dig up dirt on the Bidens, Igor Fruman and Lev Parnas, were arrested and charged with breaking campaign finance laws. The timing of the creation of those PDF files—several months after Biden allegedly dropped off his laptop at the PC repair store in April 2019—raises questions about how and when Giuliani came into possession of the purported emails.

Oh boy, it's Return of the Chucklefucks, maybe! (To be scrupulously accurate, nobody thinks the boys of "Fraud Guarantee" have anything like the skills to do creation of the "emails." It'd be like asking Paul Manafort to make a PDF. This is more an illustration of the Giuliani fuckery timeline. The smart money for the "emails" is actually on "Russian disinformation collated and created the emails and stuck them on a laptop for Snoopy Trumperson to find.")

Despite the thin evidence, Trumpworld is over the moon at the prospect that Americans will suddenly be outraged that a presidential candidate is alleged to have acted to enrich his family, because isn't that shocking? Trump twote that this great big fake outrage is "only the beginning" for Joe and Hunter Biden, because there's "nothing worse than a corrupt politician," you see.

[ Daily Beast / WaPo ]

Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations! Please help us keep bringing you all the most accurate news and dick jokes on the web!

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .