Donald Trump Is Going Insane Right Now About Jews And Ugly Women Out To Get Him

Welcome to the next day of Donald Trump Unchained; in West Palm Beach, Florida, Thursday, the Republican nominee for President of the United States rejected the sexual assault allegations of four women against him as complete lies, because of course Donald Trump is the greatest purveyor of truthiness who ever stood in front of TV cameras and lied for an hour straight. Let's see what themes he hit!

Hillary Clinton Is In League With TheJewsInternational Bankers

Trump explained that the 2016 election will decide the very fate of America's existence as a nation and railed against a corrupt "global power structure" that has worked to ruin the United States, and guess who the bad guys are? The International Bankers, nudge-nudge!

The Clinton machine is at the center of this power structure.

We've seen this firsthand in the WikiLeaks documents in which Hillary Clinton meets in secret with international banks to plot the destruction of US sovereignty in order to enrich these global financial powers, her special interest friends, and her donors.

Well Of Course The Media Are In On The Plot

As the crowd chanted "Lock her up!" yet again, Trump made some fairly far-fetched claims about just how much control Hillary Clinton has over the obedient media:

So true. Honestly, she should be locked up. She should be. Should be locked up. And likewise, the emails show that the Clinton machine is so closely and irrevocably tied to the media organizations that she -- that she, listen to this -- is given the questions and answers in advance of her debate performance with Bernie Sanders.

Hillary Clinton is also given approval and veto power over quotes written about her in the New York Times. They definitely do not do that to me. And the emails show the reporters collaborate and conspire directly with the Clinton campaign on helping her win the election all over.

We rather doubt that, frankly. Or at least that's what Hillary told us to type. But obviously, Trump explained, Wednesday's accusations by several women against Trump are completely false, and just more lies orchestrated by Hillary Clinton, because, well, they just are, and the corrupt media are directed by Hillary to slander anyone who stands up for the truthiness like Donald Trump does. In fact, at this very moment Hillary Clinton is holding a gun to our heads and insisting we not copy-paste this truth-telling by Trump, but we'll see if we can run it anyway:

Anyone who challenges their control is deemed a sexist, rapist, xenophobe and morally deformed. They will attack you. They will slander you. They will seek to destroy your career and your family. They will seek to destroy everything about you, including your reputation. They will lie, lie, lie, and then again they will do worse than that.

They will do whatever is necessary. The Clintons are criminals. Remember that, they're criminals. [Crowd chanting "Lock her up."]

Hah! we made the words happen! Take that, Hillary Clinton!

The World's Greatest Friend Of Women Smacks Down Uppity Broads

These vicious claims about me of inappropriate conduct with women are totally and absolutely false. And the Clintons know it. And they know it very well. These claims are all fabricated. Full of fiction and outright lies.

These events never, ever happened. And the people that said them fully understand.

You take a look at these people. You study these people and you'll understand also. The claims are preposterous, ludicrous, and defy truth, common sense, and logic. We already have substantial evidence to dispute these lies, and it will be made public in an appropriate way and at an appropriate time very soon.

These lies come from outlets whose past stories and past claims have already been discredited. The media outlets did not even attempt to confirm the most basic facts because even a simple investigation would have shown that these were nothing more than false smears.

Those women are pretty awful, all right. Say, Donald, what exactly disproves their allegations? Ah, they're just false, because they were published in the lying New York Times. Got it. Stick to true smears, will you?

Too Ugly To Feel Up

Trump then went after People magazine's Natasha Stoynoff, who simply can't be believed because if he really pinned her to a wall and forcibly kissed her, why was there no mention of it in her story? After all, it would have been a huge story back then, because, "I was one of the biggest stars on television with The Apprentice, and I would have been one of the biggest stories of the year." So obviously, Stoynoff had to be lying. Plus, one look at that woman and you know she didn't meet Trump's standards:

Think of it, she's doing her story on Melania, who's pregnant at the time. And Donald Trump, our one-year anniversary. And she said I made inappropriate advances. And, by the way, the area was a public area. People all over the place. Take a look. You look at her. Look at her words. You tell me what you think. I don't think so. I don't think so.

And so on. The New York Times is full of lying liars, and he's going to sue them (he's not, but he has to say he will). Trump wrapped up with one hell of a logical argument: Hillary Clinton actually tells the New York Times, People, and the Palm Beach Post (which has to be sad he forgot to mention them) what to publish:

So, now the Clinton machine has put forward a small handful of people, out of tens of thousands of people over the years that I've met, that I've worked with, that I've employed, in order to make wild and false allegations that fail to meet even the most basic test of common sense. Not even common sense.

Damn straight. If he's such a sexual predator, why is it that some people have never been raped by him at all? At the risk of running afoul of Godwin's Law, it's every bit as persuasive as the claim we occasionally ran across when we used to debunk online Holocaust deniers: If there really was policy of genocide, then why did any Jews survive? Case Closed!

[ Vox / Mother Jones ]