Donald Trump Reads State Of The Union Speech Without Shitting Own Pants, Is Presidential AF

He's got the Mussolini strong-chin thing down.

Donald Trump read a big long State of the Union address Tuesday night that will inevitably be forgotten the minute he says something outrageous again. It was a speech that sought to call for unity by bringing Americans together in mortal fear of terrifying murderous illegal immigrants bent on killing us all. Oh, and he'd really like to have a war with North Korea, too. Oh, yes, and he saved the economy from the Obama disaster by coasting on the same economic growth trends Obama started. Good for him!

When Trump noted that African-American unemployment was at a record low -- again, thanks to trends that began under Obama -- Republicans gave a standing ovation and Democrats sat and rolled their eyes because probably they're racists and prefer black people to be on welfare. Republican bastards also gave a standing ovation to repealing the Obamacare individual mandate, which will lead to higher insurance costs and people losing their healthcare.

Yr Wonkette was too busy yelling at the TV between sips of delicious scotch to really notice much else. Noted political pundit Our Girlfriend documented some of the drinking:

Yes, my blinds are dying. No, I don't care.

As for the parts that will matter, please ignore Trump's promise to make prescription drugs cheaper, because he certainly intends to continuing ignoring that all over again. Also, "beautiful clean coal" is not a thing.

Trump's "infrastructure" plan is, similarly, a scam that he said would result in $1.5 trillion in new investment, but that really includes only $200 billion in federal spending. The rest will come from magical unicorn farts and public dollars making private contractors rich. Oh, yes, and the proposal will include huge cuts in federal spending for public transit, which is for bad people who are too lazy to buy cars. It'll also hollow out a bunch of environmental laws, because they're bad for business. Trump's plan will be great for toll bridges, hooray! The water system in Flint, Michigan? Not so much.

The centerpiece of the speech was a bunch of lies about immigration, focused on Trump's plan to provide a path to citizenship for Dreamers, but only if legal immigration is radically cut. In making the case for ending the diversity visa lottery and strictly limiting family reunification, Trump lied about both programs and suggested they let terrorists come to America. SCARY! Of course, if two people became radicalized out of the tens of thousands of people who immigrated in the past decade, it's perfectly logical to make sure that we now exclude all immigrants, because Trump is stupid.

Illinois Rep. Luis Gutierrez had a fine statement on Trump's offer of protection for Dreamers in exchange for closing the door to untold numbers of legal immigrants:

Trump also suggested that everyone who crosses the border without papers is a bloodthirsty killer, and as a prop, he introduced the parents of two teenage girls who were murdered by MS-13. It got the nativists excited and "proved" that every single person here without legal status is a threat! California Senator Kamala Harris wasn't having any of that bullshit:

"To equate that with Dreamers and DACA was completely irresponsible. And it was scapegoating and fear-mongering. And it was wrong." @KamalaHarrisresponds to President Trump invoking MS-13 at #SOTU 

Watch more:  https: //t.co/jAgT9haNH3   pic.twitter.com/DacLrkka4c 

— MSNBC (@MSNBC) January 31, 2018