Donald Trump Takes Bold Stand Against Hitler

Take THAT, Adolf!

Would ya check out the big beautiful balls on this guy? No wonder Republicans love Donald Trump for being willing to make with the tough talk that all those other "gutless" candidates are too afraid of:

Trump has already secured the Latino vote, by demonstrating how he will deport all of them to Mexico, though the American kind will be allowed to pass back through a special door in his beautiful Trump Wall, "because we want the legals to come back into the country."

And he's got the chick vote all locked up, what with his promises to cherish the non-bleeding non-bimbo kind. And he thinks Planned Parenthood is terrific, a really great organization, and he's "sure they do some things properly and good and good for women."

He already had the African-American vote in his pocket, since he's "always had a great relationship with the blacks."

And sure, maybe Trump has been married and divorced a coupla times and doesn'tseemlike a Good Christian, but the Bible is his very favorite book, even more than his ownArt of the Deal, and he thinks God is terrific, just a terrific nice guy, and he loves going to church to eat his "little crackers" and drink his "little wine."

So really, the only voting demographic left for Trump to conquer is The Jooz, and what better way to make them swoon than to come out strongly against Hitler? Sure, Trump may keep a collection of Hitler's Greatest Hits next to his bed, but he got that from one of his Jew friends (who is not Jewish), so it's OK:

“Actually, it was my friend Marty Davis from Paramount who gave me a copy ofMein Kampf, and he’s a Jew.” (“I did give him a book about Hitler,” Marty Davis said. “But it wasMy New Order, Hitler’s speeches, notMein Kampf. I thought he would find it interesting. I am his friend, but I’m not Jewish.”)

Later, Trump returned to this subject. “If I had these speeches, and I am not saying that I do, I would never read them.”

Plus, he trusts Jewishes to count his money for him, because everyone knows how good Jews are at counting money:

In a 1991 book, one of Trump's former colleagues recalled him saying, "Black guys counting my money! I hate it. The only kind of people I want counting my money are little short guys that wear yarmulkes every day." (Trump called the things written about him in the book "probably true.")

It doesn't matter that American Jews are overwhelmingly Democratic, and liberal, as we keep telling you because it's true. With this kind of thoughtful pandering, he's sure to convert them to his way of thinking eventually.

We don't know if this will jeopardize his current most-favored-racist status with former KKK leader David Duke, but if there's anyone who can win over even a Klansman's heart and mind, it's definitely Donald Trump.

[ Vanity Fair / Rolling Stone ]