Donald Trump To Hide Money In Cheeseburgers? Wonkagenda for Friday, December 9, 2016

They pay us every time we say that.

•  Donald Trump's businesses empire is a complicated web of a bejillion LLCs, making it highly improbable that we'll ever know just how much he cheats on his taxes and how much he stands to profit off the presidency. Oh, stop acting surprised.

•  Labor unions are declaring war on Donald Trump already after Trump was kind of a dick to an Indiana union boss for screwing him over, his nomination of a fast food CEO to the Labor Department who thinks robots are more cost effective than people, and a rich old white lady who hates public schools to head the Department of Education. These labor people should all go get jobs!

•  Hillary Clinton gave a speech on Capitol Hill where she railed against fake news, calling it dangerous to people and politics, but we're SURE it's just sour grapes.

•  Officials in Georgia are wondering why someone at DHS tried to hack into its electronic election system, which is a little ironic considering the state declined federal assistance for election security because they're a strong, proud sovereign state that doesn't need no government aid.

•  Democrats are super mad at the DOD for trying to hide a study detailing $125 billion in waste, so they wrote a mean letter letting the Pentagon know how angry they are, and (if we had the money) we could have a truly explosive Airing of Grievances if we only had the spending cash to get a surplus tactical missile for a Festivus Pole.

•  Republicans want to investigate just how much Russia was meddling in U.S. affairs this year, which is surprising as it's counter to Trump's expressed wishes that the U.S. should be Russia's bitch. Might Congresscritters actually do their job? Don't expect Vladimir Putin or Donald Trump to show up for any hearings.

• When Donald Trump's old fake reality teevee show comes back on the air with Arnold Schwarzenegger as host, NBC will list Donald Trump as an Executive Producer of "The New Celebrity Apprentice." This suggests he might not be paying a lot of attention to this whole presidenting stuff. Good Thing or Bad Thing?

• Guatemala was celebrating its "La Quema del Diablo" (Burning of the Devil) festival, which is supposed to get rid of bad ju-ju and ghosts, so they naturally burned effigies of Donald Trump. No tengo miedo de los fantasmas!

•  The Korean parliament has voted to impeach conservative President Park Guen-hye after allegations of corruption and collusion with a big businesses and a spooky ghost-whispering advisor.

• Sadly, space man, super hero, and Senator John Glenn left this Earth for the big space alien lizard orgy in the sky, in a galaxy really, really, far away. He was a war hero, a test pilot, a businessman, a Senator, and a Democratic presidential candidate in 1984. Rather than be super sad, watch and giggle as Glenn jokes about how the first cameras in the Senate chambers required extra special training for all the senators.

• Finally, here's some morning Nice Time: giraffes! Unfortunately, our favorite long-neck horsies were just listed as "vulnerable to extinction", but that at least means there's still time to save them!