481 Comments
User's avatar
Gingerwentworth's Theory's avatar

I've heard of a big shipment of

devil dogs, actually. I just can't wait!

Expand full comment
Bel-Ami's avatar

"some VERY LUCKY Bitcoin wallet made $27 million shorting positions right before the announcement. Wonder who?" Well, the last short came in ONE MINUTE before King Fool announced his new tariffs which seems awfully tidy. What if all of his tariff nonsense was only a ruse to play the market with the ULTIMATE insider information? Tariffs are ON, then they are OFF and nobody knows about it beforehand except himself and whoever he gives/ sells the information to. Remember, he ONLY ran for president because of the unrivaled opportunities for grift and he and his family have been grifting to beat the band ever since he announced in 2016. If we ever find out the true scale of the criminality it will be off the charts.

Expand full comment
Hannah's avatar

I can't deal with a madman anymore. This motherfucker has messed with too many real people. I have no laughs left. No scorn. Nada.

It's too much.

Expand full comment
Virgin Monk Boy's avatar

Marcie, this whole piece reads like Home Alone 3: Tariff Edition.

Donny Two Dolls wakes up, forgets he started the trade war, and starts slapping tariffs like he’s playing Whac-A-Mole with the global economy. He’s out here writing love letters to Xi one day and breakup ballads the next, like an international Taylor Swift without the talent or the self-awareness.

“Rare earth minerals”? Buddy, the rarest mineral here is self-control. The man’s turning Christmas into a $19.99 plastic-free apocalypse because he can’t stop rage-tweeting about magnets.

At this point, every time Trump says “the art of the deal,” the universe fines us another billion dollars.

Expand full comment
Once Upon a Time Called Now's avatar

He is barking mad! Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Expand full comment
Zap's avatar

“Trump likes to see how much he can get away with screwing over the other party in a deal, and evading consequences.” Describes his “presidency” quite accurately. In this case the “other party” is the American people.

Expand full comment
Nemo's avatar

Also, the whole rest of the world. Nixon, who was only crazy about half the time, mused about the advantage of being perceived as crazy in foreign affairs. I think he was envying Hitler. Just like this asshole.

Expand full comment
Ron Spangler's avatar

It's TACO Tuesday here in Auckland.

Expand full comment
Ron Spangler's avatar

The only thing that matters here is whether Xi and Dementia Cheeto keep their upcoming meeting or scrap it. So far it's on and one could read both moves as pre-negotiation theater.

Of course when the negotiation happens, the Cheeto will get rolled, but claim victory anyway, and we'll all move on to the next unforced error.

Expand full comment
Why So Lugubrious?'s avatar

"Donnie Two Dolls" is such a perfect nickname and says so much.

Expand full comment
Sherry's avatar

Love how he blames the seesawing of tariffs on the countries that hold all the cards. He STILL seems to think that he can bully other countries into kissing his ass. It's also funny how he keeps fucking America and seems to think that his own country isn't catching on.

Lebowitz is still right. You don't know anyone stupider than Donald Trump. You just don't.

May I also add, you've never seen a group of stupider people grouped together in your life. You just haven't. Appropriately in an interview she pointed out that you could take all the people that voted for him and all that work for him and put them all together, you'd have the approximate IQ of one Democrat.

Expand full comment
Dialectic.Detective's avatar

Yup. We're boned.

Expand full comment
Wookiee Monster's avatar

Man, those dolls are creepy AF. Almost as creepy as some of the dolls in Sister Monster’s collection.

Expand full comment
Hank Napkin's avatar

I suppose in the beforetime when U.S. Americans toiled endlessly in factories making cast iron whatnots to help you identify which Parasol was yours in the Hand Carved Indian Head Parasol Holder at the Neighborhood Fete tariffs protecting our cast iron whatnots from their cast iron whatnots might make a kind of sense. But since we are no longer able to toil endlessly to make our own cast iron whatnots I'm not clear on how any of these tariffs are gonna work?

Expand full comment
Biff52 Lost Canadian's avatar

As long as money is extracted from you and me, nothing else matters.

Expand full comment
Khavrinen's avatar

That list of rare earth elements reminded me that it's always a good time for Tom Lehrer:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2cfju6GTNs

Expand full comment
Peter MacMonagle's avatar

Email to my senators this afternoon:

Senator: The violence at rallies to stop Trump's Insurrection (and it is he who seeks to overthrow our form of government and build monuments to himself in the bargain). So let's get clear on who is the criminal here and it is not those who march peacefully, but the ICE thugs who are nothing more than Trump's GESTAPO with Trump now taking on the role of Der Fuhrer. I am not being naive, but if you think Trump has any love for this country outside of the money he can make off with, you are being disingenuous or perhaps, BEING LED AROUND BY THE NOSE BY A CONVICTED FELON YOU PUT IN THE WHITE HOUSE, If so, you are on the wrong side of history and you name will be in the list of traitors to your nation in future books. Something for your grandchildren to look forward to. Every dictator in the last century was finally deposed and his crimes and accomplices exposed. Yours will appear on the list of Trump enablers as members of a gang that sought to overthrow your own government.

Expand full comment
Nemo's avatar

Miller = Goebbels

Vought = Himmler

Noem = Heydrich

..... there are many paralells

Expand full comment
Dorothea is a Democrat's avatar

Well, motherfucker, what did you think was going to happen? I can't help but note that he/Miller keep pointing out that it's not just happening to us. And the world is calling them on the phone to whine about China. Instead of what they're actually doing which is calling to scream that this is our fault and we need to fix it. Although they're pretty sure that's not going to happen. Well, we can always go to war against China but there won't be enough troops to occupy all the cities in China and the United States.

Expand full comment
Thorn Spike's avatar

Capital letters and quotation marks, "hOw" Do THeY "wORk?!"

Expand full comment
Michael Bowen's avatar

My late RWNJ brother died before The Dotard took that escalator ride, and he wrote on FB like that, particularly with the random caps. It bothered me because a) he was one grade below me and had the same teachers as I did, and b) he actually read for enjoyment (he particularly enjoyed historical fiction like Bernard Cornwell), so he knew how English worked. I wonder if it's just a RW shibboleth.

Expand full comment