Down With Butterstick: Japanese Panda Has Twins
Now we're officially scraping the bottom of the holiday news barrel, because we're going to invoke that goddamned National Zoo baby panda we hate so much, Sun Myung Moon or whatever it's called.
A magical panda in its native Japan -- ha ha, we are kidding, because pandas are obviously from San Diego -- gave birth to a pair of little pink-ass hairless panda fetuses on Saturday. It was a great Christmas present for a nation that doesn't really celebrate Christmas.
The dumb should've-died-out animals have produced 30 born-in-captivity babies with the help of Science this year.