Dumb A-Hole Scott Walker Wants To Protect Boy Scouts From Politicians Like Him

• The Boy Scouts of America -- they're like the Girl Scouts, kind of, but not as tough, or cool, and no cookies, so, you know, LAME -- decided to join the 21st century and dump its ban on letting The Gays be in their little club. Here is what Scott Walker, who is dumb and an a-hole, had to say about that on Tuesday:

  “I was an Eagle Scout, my kids have been involved, Tonette (Walker) was a den mother.

  “I have had a lifelong commitment to the Scouts and support the previous membership policy because it protected children and advanced Scout values.”

  Gosh, that makes Walker look like a dumb a-hole who thinks the ban "protected kids" from scary, dangerous The Gays, doesn't it? That's what you'd expect from a guy who also wants to amend the Constitution so states can protect themselves from scary, dangerous The Gays too. Still, implying that The Gays are a threat to Boy Scouts, with their Gay, sounds dumb and a-holic, even for dumb a-hole Walker. So the next day ... 

  Walker said his comments had been misunderstood.

  “The protection was not a physical protection,” he said, according to the Times. Instead, it was about “protecting them from being involved in the very thing you’re talking about right now, the political and media discussion about it, instead of just focusing on what Scouts is about, which is about camping and citizenship and things of that nature.”

  Suuuuuuuure, Scotty, whatever you say.

• It's official. Like, OFFICIAL official. Donald Trump is a for-real presidential candidate:  

  

  
    And also the richest EVER:  

  

  
   Guess the GOP's going to have to figure out some other one weird trick to keep Trump out of the first primary debate in August, so he doesn't embarrass the ever-lovin' shit out of the whole party. Republicans can do that all on their own.

• Your question is bad, and you should feel bad:  

  “As you well know, there are four Americans in Iran, three held on trumped-up charges according to your administration and one, whereabouts unknown,” CBS News’ Major Garrett said when it was his turn to ask the president a question. “Can you tell the country, sir, why you are content with all the fanfare around this deal to leave the conscience of this nation, the strength of this nation unaccounted for in relation to these four Americans?”

  “I’ve got to give you credit Major for how you craft those questions,” Obama said in response. “The notion that I’m content as I celebrate with American citizens languishing in Iranian jails,” he added, taking a pause. “Major, that’s nonsense, and you should know better.”

• Awwww, this is kinda sweet:  

  In an undated letter after Eminem broke out, the rapper penned a heartfelt letter to Afeni Shakur, Tupac's mom, and enclosed a drawing he'd made of the "California Love" rapper. "When I was feeling at my 'worst' (before fame, before Dre), I knew I could put that 'Tupac' tape in and, suddenly, things weren't so bad," he wrote. "He gave me the courage to stand up and say, 'Fuck the world! This is who I am! And if you don't like it, go fuck yourself!'"

• Good news, everybody! Scientists think maybe there's an Earth 2.0 out there, so we can go ahead and trash this one after all:

  Jupiter has a doppelgänger, and it could help us find a planet identical to Earth.

  A Brazilian-led team of scientists, researching sun-like stars in an attempt to find planetary systems similar to our own solar system, have discovered a planet with a very similar mass to Jupiter. What’s more, it orbits a star that looks like our sun, has the same mass, and is even the same age. [...]

  The discovery of "Jupiter 2.0" opens up the possibility that planets very similar to Earth could also exist elsewhere in our galaxy, researchers say.

• Our experts-on-all-things-TV-related pals at Happy Nice Time People want you to know Comcast hates you:  

  The latest thumb in your eye is Comcast’s laughable attempt to get into the streaming business next year. Naturally, Comcast doesn’t want you to go cable cutting, or to be happy, or to experience love and fulfillment in this lifetime, so the creatively named “Comcast Stream” provides you with nothing you want and makes it a pain in the ass to get it. Hey, points for consistency, I guess.