Elon Musk's AI Grok 'Odyssey' Will Be Much More 'Historically' Accurate (He Means White)

No minorities playing Helen of Troy here!

No wonder Odysseus took so long to get home from Troy — his soldiers didn’t know which way to sit when rowing a boat. (Screenshot from AI-generated Odyssey)

The shrimp-brained ninnies of the right have been melting down for months over Christopher Nolan’s new adaptation of The Odyssey, mostly because Nolan had the gall to cast a Black woman as Helen of Troy, a transgender man as Achilles, and various other minorities in an assortment of roles. In the ninnies’ minds, The Odyssey is Western canon, and Western must mean all white people. If it doesn’t, then they are not the most special snowflakes God ever put on his earth to rule over the duskier races.

The woke bastard Nolan couldn’t even be bothered to cast a real nine-foot tall cyclops as the man-eating Polyphemus or film the entire movie in the original Greek. And if there is one thing we know about wingnuts, it is their demand for fidelity to history. Did you know that America’s slaves actually loved their masters and didn’t mind being enslaved? They’d love to tell you about it. Read a book, libs.

One particularly loud complainer has been chowderheaded douche canoe Elon Musk. Elon has spent the past few years descending deeper and deeper into flat-out gutter racism and white supremacy, to the point where no one would be surprised if he started lobbying to bring back Jim Crow laws or suggesting that Adolf Hitler’s ideas should be revisited.

Given his apathy towards The Odyssey and all things that are “woke,” whatever that even means anymore, this idea sounded about right:

We cannot express to everyone how badly we now want this to happen. For Elon Musk to blow $100 million (which is still only about one percent of his net worth, depending on how SpaceX stock is doing on any given day) on a Greek-language Odyssey directed by a washed-up antisemite who we all later realized was not acting crazy in Lethal Weapon? With all dialogue taken right from the poem? This would be the worst movie ever made. It would make Dude, Where’s My Car look like an Elia Kazan film.

We’re not sure Mel would take the job if he had to be that faithful to the poem. Then he might not be able to put in some dialogue about how Odysseus not being able to get home for 20 years was somehow the fault of the Jews, or that the Trojan Horse was such a wily trick that it must have been the Jews’ idea. Although now that we think about it, Elon would probably give him an extra $100 million if he did.

Then in the course of about ten minutes on X, Elon went from “Mel Gibson should remake The Odyssey; after all, we all saw the brilliance and historically accurate work that was Braveheart and Apocalypto”, to “We should just let Grok do it.”

This idea apparently came from someone who had responded to the original tweet by pointing to a brief trailer he made using Grok, and oh Lord does this need to be seen to be believed:

Oh yeah, that definitely looks like something worth using up enough energy and water to support Europe for a year to make, what with its whole “mid-’90s biblical movie produced by the Christian Broadcasting Network” aesthetic. Also, we don’t know how to break it to all the purists, but Odysseus probably never used the word “OK” or whatever its Homeric Greek translation is in his life.

What we discovered while writing this is that there are already a whole bunch of dumb AI-generated versions of The Odyssey on YouTube. And they all look as terrible as you would imagine. Like this one, where the sirens are female heads on the bodies of eagles.

Or this one, which seems to have been narrated by AI Morgan Freeman:

There are more, but we’d prefer it if you people don’t hate us.

Maybe Elon Musk could hire Mel Gibson to write the prompts that Grok would use to spit out a full-length version of The Odyssey. Which would also suck.

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