Epstein, Epstein, Epstein, Epsteeeeeeeeeeeein. Tabs, Thurs., July 17, 2025
If you sang that in Donald Trump's voice to the tune of 'Jolene,' you are correct.
DANG, Donald, literally nobody asked.
But speaking of the Epstein Files AKA A Portrait Of Donald Trump As As Young(er) Man, Allegedly, Maurene Comey, the daughter of James Comey, has been fired by the Nazi Trump Justice Department from her role as a longtime prosecutor at the Southern District of New York. But hey, don’t think it’s JUST because she’s Comey’s daughter, because it could also be partially that she worked on the prosecutions of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell, two people who have been very important in Donald Trump’s life. Or they’re going to invent some shit about how she and her dad made Jeffrey Epstein’s client list in a lab. [New York Times]
Speaking of Epstein some more, watch Bill O’Reilly completely short out because he, like so many, is completely confused about who was president in 2019 and 2020, and thus who was in control when Epstein was convicted and when he ALLEGEDLY killed himself in prison.
Speaking of Epstein some more, Holier-Than-Thou Mike Pence is pretty sure it’s time to see all the Epstein files. Definitely not a thinly coded fuck you to the man who sat on his thumbs while his followers tried to kill Pence on January 6, 2021.
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If Stephen Miller is scared of the parks in Minneapolis, he is an even more emasculated wussy boy than we thought, and we already thought he was very that. Meanwhile, Pete Hegseth’s ex-work husband Will Cain just nods along, because he is also a fucking white coward Republican loser baby, we guess.
Speaking of things Terry Moran was right about and for which ABC News owes him the apology of a lifetime, here is a video of Stephen Miller when he was 17 trying to fill the gaping hole in his being where God refused to give him a soul by rubbing his dick about how awesome torture is. The video actually gets even more pathetic after that.
Just pokin’ around Grok for breakthroughs.
When Dems obsess about norms/ideals while Republicans actively murder democracy in order to replace it with white supremacist techno-Hitler Christian fascism, Dems are not UPHOLDING DEMOCRACY. They're just losing. Posts like the one below are a fantasy about a country that doesn't currently exist.
Hey, wanna see some photography of really rich people in New England and how they’re just like us, but also maybe not? [Guardian]
OK it’s late for us to be finishing this and we need to be awake in the morning, when you are reading this!
So this is a short tabs, goodbye.
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The fish was thiiiiis big! Your hed gif source info: https://martiniambassador.substack.com/p/chick-overwhelmed-by-the-catch-of
And a super meme chat: https://open.substack.com/chat/posts/c77a529d-553d-4068-bf5b-4d9d7d770296?utm_source=share
Wonkette insider secret: Evan finishes these Tabs posts very late at night (or early in the morning, who can say?), while Marcie and Rebecca do theirs way sooner. I know this because I check before I bed down for the night to see which gif article to post, and Evan’s is almost always still on draft form. I think like me the man is an extreme night owl.