391 Comments

Did anyone else notice the dates on that badge?

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“Deputy Doofy: Mom said when I wear this badge you’re supposed to treat me like a man of the law!” Some times life is stranger than fiction.

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"We’ll start with Eric, who is now a super special honorary deputy extra-important helper to the real honest to by god sheriff, which apparently is his dream come true."

And don't think he hasn't told ERRYBODY who's standing still long enough to hear him about his special day!

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I

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I mean, I ju... I...

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I suspect that the napkins people slip to Laura Trump say "Tampax".

Eric's got a gun.

The whole world's come undone.

What's his daddy gonna do?

The one who would shoot you

On 5th Avenue?

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Ta, Evan. Apart from Dr. Mary, that whole family is garbage.

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But is he a Constitushanal Sheriff?

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When they give her these napkins, do they call her "Sir" and have tears of gratitude streaming down their faces?

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I understand the pilot of the Trump jet keeps a supply of plastic pilot wing pins specifically for Eric and Don jr.

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So she's passed cocktail napkins on flights telling her that the writer is voting for her father--in-law? So now performance reviews of crew on private planes are based on how badly the crew keeps feeding her delusions? (Seriously, could you EVER see Lara Trump on a public flight? She'd cut back on her plastic surgery first, and she's already so close to joining the Cybermen.)

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Special deputy. Because he is sooooooo speshul. Anything to suck off Trumpsterfire.

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The vibe of “A special little boy’s special day” is totally reinforced by the fact Sheriff Dumbass there doesn’t even let Deputy Associate Under-Sheriff Failson hold the Big Gun. He lets him touch it, barely, with two fingers, because he KNOWS that any more contact and there would be lives lost.

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'We need arrest Donald Trump, he's a flight risk'

'I know the very man to do it!'

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As per the philosophy of every dog in the world: Any attention is good attention.

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They're fucking idiots! No, really, quite literally. They're idiots and they fuck each other. I've heard from a reliable source that he likes to play pony. She outfits him with a bridle and bit, rides him around wearing only cowboy boots with spurs. They have a special horse tail butt plug for him to complete the outfit!

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You are not going to believe what I read about Eric and Lara Chump on the internet.

Of course you will. It's on the internet.

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It would be irresponsible not to throw up in my mouth a little.

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Obviously, God didn't like what they did.

https://xcancel.com/TheUSASingers/status/1844341874880086109

https://x.com/TheUSASingers/status/1844341874880086109

Eric Trump gets sworn in as Special Deputy of St. Lucie County.

10 minutes later:

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Wait. Loomer's pissed at all the Chumps now?

Yay team!

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Hey, Lara, you forgot to mention that said napkins are soaked with the tears (or gin) of the imaginary passengers on your flights.

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