Eric Trump Will Tweet Zillow Porn Until Mean Judge Agrees Saudi Arabia Could Buy Trump Trash Palace For One Billion Dollars
It's not so much a defense as an admission.
Yesterday, New York state judge Arthur Engoron gave Donald Trump, his sons, and his companies the so-called “corporate death penalty,” where all the business certificates get ripped up and everything is all over, so long farewell auf Wiedersehen goodbye.
The judge granted New York State Attorney General Letitia James partial summary judgment, which means he made a determination that Trump’s business had committed yooge fuckin’ fraud, and he didn’t even need a trial to figure it out. Sanctioned his attorneys too. (There will still be a trial for things that don’t fall under this ruling. Hence partial summary judgment.)
Wonkette will have another post later on the whole ruling — UPDATE HERE IT IS — but right now let’s focus on one little funny thing. You see, much of this case centers on real estate valuation, and Trump inflating and deflating the value of his assets and net worth depending on who’s listening.
Young stupid bouncy farting shitting baby boy Eric Trump is FURIOUS anyone would suggest his Daddy’s house Mar-a-Lago is not worth $1.5 billion (BILLION) dollars, just like Daddy said! So he’s, like, Zillow porning at people and lashing out.
Note how he says Mar-a-Lago is “speculated” to be worth over a billion and therefore “arguably” the most valuable property in America. “Speculated” by whom? Funny “arguably” story!
Unsurprisingly, Eric is lying/stupid/illiterate when he says the judge “ruled” that Mar-a-Lago is only worth $18 million. Rather the judge cites a range of tax-assessed figures, and compares them to the independent assessment of some wild and crazy self-proclaimed Palm Beach real estate expert whose affidavit reads like an infomercial, and makes fun of them asserting at one point, “without relying on any objective evidence, that the property is worth $1.51 billion.”
That is whom did the speculating, which is not admissible as evidence.
Check out this gorgeously mean footnote making fun of the Trumps’ “expert”:
“In his sworn deposition, when asked “[w]ho were the dozen or so [qualified] buyers that you were referencing in your report, Lawrence Moens replied: “I could dream up anyone from Elon Musk to Bill Gates and everyone in between. Kings, emperors, heads of state. But with net worths in the multiple billions. I don’t know how many people in the world have a net worth of more than $10 billion, but I think it’s quite a number. There are a lot.” […] Obviously, this Court cannot consider an “expert affidavit” that is based on unexplained and unsubtantiated “dream[s].”
Ya burnt!
But yes, poor sweet stupid Eric.
Here he is sharing listings from some Palm Beach real estate website, trying to show us that because THESE houses are THIS much moneys, then DADDY’S HOUSE is THAT much moneys.
These houses are only a THIRTIETH the square feets of Daddy’s house, Eric says! And they are not even on the beach AND the “intercostal” like Daddy’s! (They do not “words” very well in that family, do they?) And they don’t go from one side of Palm Beach Island to the other like Daddy’s! (It’s not a real thick fuckin’ island.)
Perhaps Eric doesn’t know much about real estate, but you can't compare single-family homes to gaudy trash palaces that get ketchup stains all over the walls when Daddy loses elections and/or gets indicted. (At least we imagine it happens there too.) Or to commercial or mixed use properties like Mar-a-Lago in general. They’re not valued the same.
Right now there are conservative types sneering at people on Twitter that “progressives” don’t understand the difference between a tax-assessed value and an actual bank appraisal. So let us take this opportunity to explain to Erick Erickson that he can go fuck goats, because we understand just fine.
While we are also annoyed when people who don’t understand real estate try to opine on it on Twitter — and that includes a number of journalists — that’s a deflection. Nobody who understands real estate is saying Mar-a-Lago is worth only $18 million, per the lowest tax assessment cited in the ruling. But likewise it’s fucking insane to think that anyone besides a Saudi or Russian buying nuclear secrets would pay over a billion dollars for that ugly, beclowned piece of shit.
That’s what this discussion is about.
This judge sure does seem to have Trump’s number, that’s for sure. Here’s a snippet from the ruling where he quotes from Trump’s deposition, mocking Trump’s suggestion that it would be impossible for him to inflate the value of properties because — get this — “he could find a ‘buyer from Saudi Arabia’ to pay any price he suggests.”
We don’t know about y’all, but that sounds less like a statement about real estate to us than it does a statement about bribery by hostile foreign powers and, at best, a tacit admission that one could potentially easily be bought by one.
At worst it sounds like an oopsie confession that one is maybe a teensy tiny bit already a witting asset of a hostile foreign power, perhaps Saudi Arabia maybe who knows.
By the way, see at the end of that statement, where there’s a little “10,” which suggests the presence of a footnote? The footnote says, “This statement may suggest influence buying more than savvy investing.”
Oh yeah, this judge has Trump’s number, and it’s brutal.
But sure, Eric, Daddy’s house is a billion dollars. The same place where you throw your cumsocks behind the bed and you and Don Jr. chase each other with Super Soakers and daddy hides classified documents in the dildo dungeon storage room next to the pool.
You betcha.
[ruling]
Evan Hurst on Twitter right here.
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It's not so much the per-square-foot assessment that appraisers will generally use to value a house, it's all the extra perks like secret document bathrooms. Oh, that ketchup will come right off those walls, or you can repaint.
Someone pointed out that the Bellagio in Vegas is worth 1.5 Billion all in. Mar-a-Lago looks like a rest stop compared to that hotel