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Everybody Hates Matt Gaetz, TROJAN 'BARESKIN' CONDOM Edition!
Don't you want to 'bareskin' with that guy?
A Hill source sent The Daily Beast a photo of a trash bin outside Gaetz's office as lawmakers cleared out their offices at the end of a recent session. At the top of the heap was an empty Costco-size box of "Bareskin" Trojan condoms.
That quote comes from a new Daily Beast report about how Republicans were really kinda ready for an inevitable Matt Gaetz scandal to break — your Wonkette update on how weird that's getting right here! — and how they've been planning for this the whole time. They knew this guy was stinky and gross and dirty and bad, and they took the proper precautions. And by "precautions," we do NOT mean those Trojan "bareskin" condoms in the trashcan outside Matt Gaetz's office oh my God why would you throw it there Jesus Christ .
But really, for real, just as we discussed yesterday, everybody hates Matt Gaetz, and the Daily Beast has some receipts on that, noting that aside from a couple morons like Jim Jordan and Marjorie Taylor Greene being all "I stand with Matt Gaetz," nobody is really standing with Matt Gaetz.
Or next to him. Definitely not next to him. Please, can they move out of the way so they are not next to him?
One former GOP staffer said Wednesday that their office had an informal rule to not allow their member to appear next to Gaetz during TV hits, fearful of the inevitable scandal that would come out one day.
Know how easy it was for us to find this picture?
Pretty darn easy. But that's Jim Jordan, and therefore has no reputation to defend or uphold, because he's Jim Jordan, by which we mean he's garbage. Also this ain't his first rodeo trying to look the other way regarding sexual abuse allegations, albeit not the kind allegedly committed BY him, but rather committed AROUND him, by the team doc at Ohio State University when Jordan was the wrestling coach.
But the Beast notes that even Jordan's support for Gaetz has been "tepid." And that's like his closest friend . Which is FINE WITH MATT GAETZ, he says, because he DIDN'T COME HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS.
House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy hasn't had much good to say about Gaetz, besides how he's surely gonna remove Gaetz from his committees if the sex trafficking of a minor allegations come up true.
Republicans knew Gaetz was dating a college kid — a LEGAL ONE, the Daily Beast points out — back in 2018. And they just knew he was generally gross and disgusting (SEE DIRTY CONDOM STORY ABOVE).
"I don't think a lot of people are going to go out of their way to defend him, especially with this outlandish-sounding defense," one GOP staffer said. "I don't think you'll find a lot of people who are desperate to keep him involved in Republican politics." [...]
"Even the Republican Party doesn't like him very much," said a Republican operative familiar with the Florida congressional delegation.
The Beast also notes the deafening silence from the Florida Man Gaetz has spent the most time ass-sucking: Donald Trump, who hasn't had one nice thing to say for Gaetz ever since this story jizzed itself all over our corneas this week. Neither has Donald Trump Jr., who "has tweeted numerous times since Tuesday evening, but offered no defense of the congressman."
You obviously want more mean quotes, and luckily The Hill has its own similar report, albeit without Matt Gaetz's dirty yucky condom boxes, EW, DAVID, EW!
It has some quotes from TrumpWorld:
"I think it speaks volumes that 'Trump World' isn't jumping to his defense. I can't say concretely, but his interview with Tucker did him no favors," one former Trump aide told The Hill.
"No one named Trump is out defending him — that's a pretty big sign," the former Trump aide added.
And what fun, the report in The Hill also has quotes from actual real-live GOP congressmen, though they're still not putting their names on their quotes:
"I don't know anything about this situation other than to say he has certainly made enemies and painted a bull's-eye on his back," said one Republican lawmaker, who requested anonymity to speak freely on a sensitive topic. "This appears to be a self-inflicted wound."
Bless his heart, whatcha gonna do.
"My personal view is there are a lot of holes in his story and his denial wasn't really a denial. 'I never traveled with an underage woman' isn't exactly a denial of relations with an underage woman," a second Republican lawmaker said.
That person added that there should be due process, but if Gaetz did indeed do very bad things, then "Basically, if this is true, Matt's done, and we need to make that clear."
"Everyone already knew Gaetz was a ticking time bomb and his days in the House were numbered, but this story is more bizarre than expected," the lawmaker said.
"If he's indicted, the precedent is set for him to be removed from his committees like Duncan Hunter and others. If not, no one expects him to be a member of the House in a year anyways."
"His bizarre display on Tucker is an attempt to muddy the issues," another member said.
Again, these are all GOP lawmakers .
In summary and in conclusion, this post started with Matt Gaetz's dirty bareback condom boxes and you aren't even reading these words right now because you're busy bleaching your brain.
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