FBI Agents Can Stay If They Confess They Were Just Following Orders Like Some Biden-Crazed Nazis

How will this standoff end?

Photo by David Trinks on Unsplash

When we last left our story, pinworm-looking Emil Bove and interim US Attorney for DC Ed Martin had started trying to loyalty-test-purge the FBI.

Ed Martin enjoys group takeovers! He was most recently the president of the Phyllis Schlafly’s American Eagles club, which is a splinter / now rival to the Eagle Forum founded by Schlafly, after Martin couped Schlafly’s daughter Anne Cori out of her mother’s own group, like a plotline to Real Housewives of Missouri.

Ugh, look at this ham-faced dick.

Anyway, Monday, after the world learned the names of six of the soft little boys that Musk had assembled to carry out his illegal-12-ways-to-Sunday effort to break the government’s computers before anyone can stop them, Martin sent a patheticlly ingratiating letter to Elon on X:

Dear @ elon, Please see this important letter. We will not tolerate threats against DOGE workers or law-breaking by the disgruntled. All the best. Ed Martin.

I recognize that some of the staff at DOGE has been targeted publicly. At this time, I ask that you utilize me and my staff to assist in protecting the DOGE work and the DOGE workers. Any threats, confrontations, or other actions in any way that impact their work may break numerous laws. [...]

Let me assure you of this: we will pursue any and all legal action against anyone who impedes your work or threatens your people.

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Hey, Anybody Going To Stop Elon Musk Before He And His Nerd Squad Break Everything?

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Back at the FBI, Martin and sallow Justice Department number-two-official Bove had demanded the (acting) FBI Director Brian Driscoll fire eight executives, including heads of field offices, the assistant director in charge of the FBI Washington Field Office, and the entire Capitol breach prosecution unit and its chief; produce a list of names of agents who’d worked on January 6 cases; have agents self-confess any involvement with investigating Trump’s stolen documents case or any Capitol rioters’ on a bullshit questionnaire so they can be fired; and publicly publish a list of their names, so they can get beset by a mob, unlike Elon’s little boys, who must be kept in delicate glass cases.

BUUTT Driscoll told him to fuck off, and the deputy director told the agents not to fill out their bullshit questionnaire.

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FBI Purge VERY BAD. That's It, That's The Headline.

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Now, John and Jane Doe FBI agents have filed a lawsuit in federal court in DC on behalf of what they say are about 6,000 agents involved in investigating Trump and/or his mob, who are being attempted-retaliatory fired, and some who are apparently already having their personal information leaked. Driscoll did end up turning over personnel details of about 5,000 employees, but identified them only by a code and titles and offices and not by name. Go look them up and go doxx them yourself, E and E, ya lazy gits.

Musk could, theoretically, order his squid squad or whoever to stop paying 5,000 agents, as if they were USAID or Head Start. Break everything first, get sued later, maybe pay a fine, that’s how he rolls! Worrying about legality and how things look, that’s so Trump 1.0.

Now, they’re gonna cut government down into such tiny bites that someday the FBI’s only function will be investigating women for ordering mifepristone, the genitals of people trying to pee, guys watching porn over a VPN who aren’t named Mike Johnson, and children’s librarians who haven’t burned all their copies of Pride Puppy.

Anyway, Bove fired off a pissy doublethink memo about Driscoll telling him to piss off:

That insubordination necessitated, among other things, the directive in my January 31, 2025 memo to identify all agents assigned to investigations relating to January 6, 2021. In light of acting leadership’s refusal to comply with the narrower request, the written directive was intended to obtain a complete data set that the Justice Department can reliably pare down to the core team that will be the focus of the weaponization review pursuant to the Executive Order.

Let me be clear: No FBI employee who simply followed orders and carried out their duties in an ethical manner with respect to January 6 investigations is at risk of termination or other penalties. The only individuals who should be concerned about the process initiated by my January 31, 2025 memo are those who acted with corrupt or partisan intent, who blatantly defied orders from Department leadership, or who exercised discretion in weaponizing the FBI.

There is no honor in the ongoing efforts to distort that simple truth or protect culpable actors from scrutiny on these issues, which have politicized the Bureau, harmed its credibility, and distracted the public from the excellent work being done every day. If you have witnessed such behavior, I encourage you to report it through appropriate channels.

No FBI employee who simply followed orders and carried out their duties in an ethical manner with respect to January 6 investigations is at risk of termination or other penalties.

Yep, just following orders, that old failed Adolf Eichmann defense. But as long as you confess that you were just following orders from practically-Hitler Joe Biden, or maybe Christopher Wray, and say that it was UNETHICAL BADTHINK and you deserve to be tried at Nuremberg, maybe the new FBI will let you stay.

No man is above the law? Donald Trump is NO MAN!

It’s sad and bad, what can we say?

This saga will surely continue!

[St. Louis Public Radio/ Rolling Stone]

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