FBI Director Kash Patel Throws Tantrum Because People Noticed Him Being Entitled Penis

How many planes do these people need?

Remember when, as a teenager, you would borrow your parents’ car for a date, and your parents might tell you not to go drag-racing or drive it on the beach or something stupid because money was tight since Dad got laid off from the dick-sucking factory, so you were to drive the young lady home in time to make it back to your own house by curfew, and you would yell “FUCK YOU, MOM AND DAD! I’LL TAKE THE CAR WHEREVER I WANT, AND I WON’T PUT GAS IN IT WITH THE MONEY THAT I MAKE WITH MY PAPER ROUTE, AND IF YOU TRY TO TRACK MY IPHONE I’LL TURN IT OFF AND THEN I’LL TELL ALL MY FRIENDS ABOUT IT ON TIKTOK!!!”

Or something along those lines, we didn’t go out much in high school, when none of those things except the paper route used to exist.

Anyway, this is the basic outline of the meltdown Kash Patel had a few days ago after someone noticed he’d taken a $60 million FBI Gulfstream to Pennsylvania to watch his country singer girlfriend perform at a wrestling event, and then flew her home to Nashville, all on the taxpayer’s dime.

Oh, and this while the federal government is ostensibly shut down, so quite possibly the pilots didn’t get paid to chauffeur Kash and his much younger chick (he’s 45, she turned 27 on Monday) around the eastern United States. To say nothing of Kash’s security detail, the mechanics servicing the plane, the air traffic controllers guiding the plane, and who knows, maybe the plane has a federally employed stewardess to serve Kash and his girlfriend ginger ale and little bags of peanuts during the flight.

The issue came to light when Kyle Seraphin, a former FBI agent turned podcaster who hates Kash Patel, tracked the plane’s flight logs on FlightAware and made the connection. And boy was he mad:

“We’re in the middle of government shutdown where they’re not even gonna pay all of the employees that work for the agency that this guy heads,” said Seraphin on his Monday episode of The Kyle Seraphin Show. “And this guy is jetting off to hang out with his girlfriend in Nashville on our dime?”

Seraphin accused the couple of “grifting off the American public.”

Patel has been grifting off the American public for most of his adult life as a MAGA carbuncle on Donald Trump’s ass, so this latest incident is very much in character.

Kash then got so mad that he fired the agent who oversees the FBI’s pilots, even though the guy was a 27-year veteran of the Bureau and had nothing to do with the fact that FlightAware exists.

But what really tweaked Kash’s nards when he started taking heat from various quarters for improper personal use of a federal plane — something he attacked former FBI Director Chris Wray for doing back when Kash’s job was being a mouthy gadfly on right-wing podcasts — was that none of his friends in MAGAworld were coming to his defense. This culminated in a lengthy screed he posted on X over the weekend.

It was by turns defensive, self-pitying, and whinier than a toddler who doesn’t want to take a nap, so perfectly keeping in character from this overgrown child who sells his own merch with dollar signs on it like the least hip rap enthusiast on campus:

Calling his girlfriend a “country music sensation” is a bit of a stretch for a singer who self-released one EP two and a half years ago and is performing at minor wrestling matches in State College, Pennsylvania.

And calling her a rock-ribbed patriot who has done more for America than most people will do in 10 lifetimes is just hilarious. She’s a country singer who speaks at TPUSA events and right-wing podcasts, dude.

She is also, apparently, a national security expert:

Well then, it’s a shame her boyfriend almost blew the investigation of this alleged plot on Friday by announcing it on social media before the FBI and the Justice Department were ready to make arrests:

Justice officials registered concern that Patel appeared to have acted hastily on the probe without Main Justice’s approval, with the apparent goal of seeking some credit for the FBI, but in a way that could interfere with the investigation[.]

We’re not sure, but we bet Kash’s twentysomething girlfriend going on One America News to fearmonger about other ISIS sleeper cells planning terrorist attacks will not settle things down.

In any case, nobody is attacking Wilkins and her hideous music. (Trust us, we just listened to a song and a half and our ears are still bleeding.) What people are attacking and criticizing is Kash’s spending government resources to chauffeur her around between gigs in the middle of a government shutdown.

No, what makes Kash mad is that he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. And like the other mature adults in the Trump administration, he’s blaming everyone but himself for his being a dipshit.

[Daily Beast / MSNBC / Bloomberg Law]

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