HEY DAD, I'M IN JAIL. Tabs, Fri., Sept. 26, 2025

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

That’s … the whole indictment? I Am Not A Lawyer, fam. That seem … really? to anyone else? (Indictment)

*Drags off cigarette*. Pat Fitzgerald? Now there’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. (Politico)

Anybody know the fuck this means? No, me either. (Trump’s insane EO that we think just purported to outlaw everything we say? Unclear, too many words!) (EO)

We’re gonna put the 95-year-old Holocaust survivor in prison for “possible charges prosecutors could file, ranging from arson to material support of terrorism.” What, you didn’t know George Soros did all those things? (Sorry, out of New York Times gift links, Archive it is!)

UNEscalatorAttemptedMurderGate in its third day apparently. (Tiedrich)

The Onion made a Jeffrey Epstein doc. Trailer here! (Wired)

Lawless Trump administration removes fully permitted statue showing nation’s important history. (MSN)

New class-action Fuck ICE suit just dropped! (Suit)

And etc.

Hmmm, is The News starting to intimate that Trump might be full of shit? David Bernstein asks and answers! (Good Politics Bad Politics) Republican leaders are starting to whisper that Trump might be wrong sometimes about some things. That doesn’t sound like them! (The Fucking News)

Hell yeah, Democrats are primarying, choose your fighter! (NBC News)

(We choose Mallory McMorrow. Here’s our ActBlue for her if you wanna make me look good!) (We don’t have an ActBlue for Graham Platner in Maine, but we choose him too.)

Paul Waldman read that tab too. He has thoughts! They are JESUS CHRIST STOP BEING WEAK AND PATHETIC, AND SAY HELLO TO YOUR NEW HOT YOUNG FRIENDS. Paraphrase! (The Cross Section)

You all are obviously allowed to cancel your subscriptions anytime you want, for no reason whatsoever, but I got two weird cancellations this week: One because we’re anti-Woody Allen, who was “consenting adults,” and one for being “obsessed with Gaza,” which “is a hoax” (and which we actually mention shamefully rarely). The first one, fuck that guy, but the second one was from someone I really like, which made me sad. Anyway, former Joe Biden and Kamala Harris deputy National Security Advisers are now finally saying with their mouths that we need to stop arming Israel and the Biden administration was wrong to let it get so fucking bad. It’s long LONG past any sort of non-war-crime reaction to the war crime that was October 7. (Politico)

OK, do the Trump boys have stock in “horse dewormer” or something? Now we’ve shut off all our cancer research, and the first lady of Florida says we should be researching cancer and ivermectin. (The Intellectualist)

Hawaii state supreme court (again!) rebukes US Supreme Court, as they fucking should. (Bolts mag)

New Zealand has changed its tune since the pandemic days, wants us all to immigrate HOORAY! (Fodor’s)

Welcome to David Lynch’s house, that I live in and I own. (Listing)

Things you (I) should know before eating and drinking in Italy!!! (Food and Wine)

Tomorrow night’s Saturday Wonkette Movie Club with your host ZiggyWiggy will be What We Do In The Shadows and it is available for free on the Internet Archive. Available to rent for $2.69 - $3.99. Join them at 8 or 9 p.m. or whatever!

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