Finally, A Way To Send Donald Trump A Bunch Of Pussy!

Shut up, porn censors, IT IS BASICALLY GEORGIA O'KEEFFE.

If you are like most Americans, you have been having a hard time this Christmas/Hanukkah season finding the perfect gift for Donald Trump, who is, in our new dystopian reality, the president-elect of the United States. You have browsed the stores and the internets and said, "What do you get a man who has everything?" and "All these mittens look TOO BIG FOR HIM!" Well, just before Christmas, the Huffington Post reported on a new project where, for the low, low price of $3.99, you can have PUSSY ON A STICK mailed to Trump Tower, anonymously of course! Now, before you get all kinds of weird dancing sugarplum visions in your head of precisely what PUSSY ON A STICK looks like, you should understand that they are lollipops, as pictured above. So if Trump tries to grab the pussy by the pussy, his hands will get sticky.

Guess we should stop fucking around and making jokes and tell you the point of this thing. Or let Huffington Post tell you:

This week, an “LGBT high school couple,” who identify themselves simply as Jules and Gabe, launched Send Trump Pussy, a nonprofit website that allows anyone in the world to send Trump an edible, flesh-colored vulva on a stick for only $3.99.

The website claims that it will anonymously send all lollipop orders directly to Trump’s headquarters in New York. Jules and Gabe told The Huffington Post that they intend to donate half of their proceeds to Planned Parenthood ...

Oh that is a good cause! Now, the kids are remaining anonymous, and HuffPo reports that their website is registered Danish-ly, in Denmark, to further protect them (obviously, because we know what Trump supporters are like).

Let's dick around their website for a minute and see what their vulva pops for Trump are all about:

With STP we’re on a mission to show Trump and America that we’re unsatisfied, and our desire for an inclusive un-misogynistic America is unwavering, by sending him pussy-shaped lollipops!

OK! Jules and Gabe list a whole bunch of reasons why all patriotic Americans hate Trump, like "He's a misogynistic pig" and "Shocker! He's terrible at business, and has multiple bankruptcies under his belt" and "He's building a fucking wall," and they also answer all your questions in their FAQ:

Is this legitimate?

Yes! In fact, 50% of our proceeds will be donated to Planned Parenthood!

Why Pussy?

Why not!? [...]

When will he receive my pussy?

Our team ships them the same day, so they usually arrive in 1-3 business days

Do I receive pussy at any point?

No. The pussy’s [ sic , check your grammar, gay kids!] are shipped directly to the Trump HQ in New York

See? All your questions. Oh, and as HuffPo points out, if you choose to refrain from purchasing a pussy pop for Trump, you can click on "No thanks!" and that will take you to a different website, where you can Send Dicks To Donald. We must note, though, that the dick lollipops are a dollar more 'spensive than the pussy ones, and also they don't say they're giving proceeds to charity. SO!

[wonkbar]<a href="https: //wonkette.substack.com/p/psa-please-do-not-poison-donald-trumps-creepy-looking-son-with-lemonade"></a>[/wonkbar]Now, we do hope these boys are careful and CLEARLY MARK all the pussy pops they plan to send to Trump (over 5,000 orders so far, apparently!) because remember that time somebody sent Eric Trump some powdered lemonade in the mail and he queened out about getting terroristed, and we had to remind everyone that it's NOT FUNNY to scare Eric Trump like that? And also that it's NOT OK to even pretend like you are threatening the president-elect or his family in any way? Make sure the giant shipment of pussy pops says "COMPLIMENTARY PUSSY, GRAB SOME!" and that the Secret Service can easily tell that it's just fun-for-the-whole-Trump-family pussy treats, and not something scary.

Assuming those precautions are properly taken, these kids, "Jules" and "Gabe," are funny and we like their spirit of high school kid activism. KIDS THESE DAYS!

[ Huffington Post / Send Trump Pussy ]