Five Or Six 'Guardian Angel' Vigilantes Jump Out Of Fox News Live Segment And Just Start Whaling On This One Guy

'That is majorly messed up' says AP after noting guy was not actually criminal *or* migrant.

Photo: Royalty-free download from PickPik, modified in photoshoop.

Sean Hannity had what looked like a Real Live News Event breaking out during Tuesday night’s episode of the Fox News White Flight America Is Doomed Hour, but it turned out that — we hope you’re sitting down for this — what viewers thought they saw was not at all what Fox News told them they were watching.

Hannity was interviewing Curtis Sliwa, the Bernard Goetz-inspired founder of New York’s “Guardian Angels” vigilante street gang, about how ostensibly outrageous it is that New York Mayor Eric Adams has approved using city funds to give prepaid food cards to asylum seekers who have been shipped to the city by red state governors to prove they hate immigration. Hannity pretended that the $53 million budget would be split evenly among just 500 migrants (that’s the number in a pilot program, dipshit), giving each of them $105,000 to buy their own Buick and an AK-47, we assume. Suddenly there was a disturbance, mostly out of sight of the camera!

Several members of Sliwa’s goon squad abandoned him, as Sliwa narrated the exciting action, as transcribed by HuffPost: “Well, in fact, our guys have just taken down one of the migrant guys right here on the corner of 42nd and 7th while all this has taken place.”

As Hannity asked the TV crew to point the camera at the action, Sliwa exclaimed, “They’ve taken over! They’ve taken over!”

The camera then panned to a view of Guardian Fascists in red berets and jackets surrounding a guy you can’t see too well, who appeared to be just standing there as Sliwa explained, “He is outta control. Outta control!” The thugs then dragged the guy down and forced him to the sidewalk as Hannity cut away to complain that Kamala Harris might run for president in 2028 even after failing as “border czar.”

Later, Hannity caught up again with Sliwa, who bragged about the great job his street gang had done in roughing up the dangerous illegal immigrant criminal, but you peeked at our Onion-derived headline and dek so you already know Sliwa’s lying here:

“Well, he had been shoplifting first,” Sliwa claimed. “The Guardian Angels spotted him, stopped him, he resisted, and let’s just say we gave him a little pain compliance. His mother, back in Venezuela, felt the vibrations. He is sucking concrete. The cops scraped him off the asphalt. He’s on his way to jail.”

Sliwa added, “But they’ll cut him loose. We’ve got to take 42nd Street back, Sean. These illegals think they own this street. They think they rule the night. This is our country. If they can’t abide by the rules, then we’re going to kick them back from where they came.”

It all just illustrated what a dangerous place these illegal migrant guys have made New York, which Fox News viewers already know is already a sewer full of crime and Black people and illegals and murder and gays and musicals and more illegal gay criming musical murderers …

Oh, what’s that you say, Associated Press?

Some advocates for immigrants have blamed local officials and the police department for stoking fears of a “migrant crime wave,” even as the city’s crime rate remains largely unchanged since the arrival of tens of thousands of asylum seekers.

Well that can’t be right, because for one thing, there are only the 500 super rich migrants with the cards, and also because never mind the actual statistics, everyone who watches Fox just knows that since the migrants somehow showed up there, the murder rate in New York has increased from “Everyone has been killed” to “Everyone has been killed twice,” which proves that Sanctuary Cities are led by hypocrites, who will probably be murdered too.

Oh yes, and as the AP also clarifies, Sliwa was just making shit up about the man his thugs assaulted. The man is a New Yorker who lives in the Bronx, is not a migrant, and police offered no evidence to back up the claim he had shoplifted anything.

Police did arrest the guy who was assaulted anyway, saying in a statement that when they arrived, they found a guy who’d been “detained by bystanders” after he’d supposedly tried to interrupt the live spot. He was issued a summons for disorderly conduct for “acting in a loud and threatening manner on a public sidewalk.” Nope, the cops said nothing about whether any of Sliwa’s pretend commandos were being investigated. They were simply bystanders, after all!

Update: How could I have forgotten this detail? Sliwa explained that he and his gang had a very compelling reason to attack the guy anyway: Speaking Spanish makes you an undocumented immigrant, duh, and it was for his own good:

In an interview with The Associated Press, Sliwa said he had believed the man was a migrant because he was “speaking Spanish” and because other Guardian Angels had encountered him with other Spanish speakers on previous patrols.

“He was put down so he wouldn’t hurt himself or anyone else,” Sliwa said.

Spanish is the primary language of some 25 percent of New Yorkers, who apparently all need to be put down so they won’t hurt themselves or anyone else.

The incident followed Adams’s claim last fall that while most asylum seekers are law abiding, they would nonetheless “destroy” New York, and Police Commissioner Edward A Caban’s claim this week that a “wave of migrant crime has washed over our city,” after the arrests of seven Venezuelan men accused of using stolen cell phones to hack into bank accounts. Oh, you liberals go ahead and laugh about seven guys washing crimes over an entire city, but we’ll have you know that as many as seven other suspects are still at large, so none of this is a craven attempt at hyping up a crime wave that isn’t really there. Heck, the crew of the Enola Gay was less than 14 guys when they blew up an entire city in 1945! So if these Venezuelans have a Boeing B-29 Superfortress and an atomic bomb, you’ll just see who laughs last.

It is the Shadow. The Shadow knows.

In conclusion, we need to be vigilant and watch Fox News so we always know what to be afraid of. Probably those people you see in the store who aren’t speaking English, why do their children crowd around the cart like that and what are they doing here?

[AP / HuffPost / WABC / The Onion]

Yr Wonkette is funded entirely by reader donations. If you can, please subscribe, or if you prefer to make a one-time donation, use this button quick before the migrant hordes or a Republican grifter can steal your money.