Florida Man Not Very Good At Blaming Black Lives Matter For MURRRRDERRRR

He got the DERRR part right.

A Florida man is headed to prison after tying to hire a hit man to kill his former girlfriend and two members of her family last year, a crime he hoped to pin on Black Lives Matter protesters because why not throw some casual racism into his murderous misogyny, too? Luckily, the whole stupid scheme fell apart because the "hit man" whom Daniel Slater thought he'd hired was actually an undercover FBI agent.

The Washington Post reports that Slater, 51, a drug dealer from Jupiter, Florida, wanted to kill his 22-year-old former girlfriend, as well as her sister and brother-in-law, because he blamed them for breaking up what was clearly a perfect relationship with a very stable fellow. His foolproof plot involved instructing the hit man to spray-paint "Black Lives Matter" at the woman's house, because as we all know, last summer's protests against police brutality were all about the random murders of white people in their homes, complete with an ideological calling card.

The plot unraveled fairly quickly, however, and after being arrested last June, Slater finally pleaded guilty last week to murder for hire, in a deal that involved three drug charges and two other counts of murder for hire being dropped. Both the prosecution and defense agreed to the maximum penalty, 10 years in prison, although Slater still has to be formally sentenced in September — assuming he manages not to commit some other weirdass psychopath shit between now and then.

Just in case there were any doubt that the crime fiction of Carl Hiaasen regularly leaks out into reality, Slater's plans fell apart following the bizarre death of another woman, as the Post explains:

Law enforcement officials began investigating Slater after a woman was found dead in Everglades National Park in February 2020, court documents state. The woman was identified as Brianne Slabaugh, a 26-year-old whom Slater had recruited to spy on his ex-girlfriend and kidnap and kill "multiple individuals associated with" her, a prosecutor said during a November 2020 federal detention hearing.

Slabaugh was ultimately "unable to go through with the murder," the prosecutor said. Her body was later found in the Everglades, according to the Sun-Sentinel. The Miami-Dade County medical examiner ruled her death an accidental drug overdose.

In May of last year, Slater offered to erase an "associate's" drug debts to him if that person would please do Slater the small favor of killing three people. There'd even be extra cocaine and cash for the associate. But haha on Slater, the associate instead started cooperating with the FBI, which provided the ersatz hit man to meet with Slater and the associate.

Just in case there were any question that Slater is scum, he didn't only want his ex murdered; he quite specifically "wanted her teeth knocked out, nose broken and acid thrown in her face."

He even helped the associate scout the sister's place. On June 8, the two drove there together. While camped outside, Slater pointed to a window, explaining how the sister and her husband sat in the living room at specific times — information he told the informant to use to shoot the two, according to court documents.

Slater told the associate to spray paint the house with the words "Black Lives Matter" so members of the social movement would be blamed.

The associate was wearing a wire the whole time, and on June 12, the associate told Slater the job was finished, and showed him fake photos of the "bodies" of the ex and her husband. Slater paid his pal $400 and promised more later, and then he was indicted and arrested three days later.

It is not believed that Mr. Slater will have any success in recruiting converts to his own protest group, No Lives Matter.

[ WaPo / The Griot ]

Yr Wonkette is supported entirely by reader donations. If you can, please give $5 to $10 a month to help fund our own Carl Hiaasen / Friendship is Magic crossover fan fiction, "Miami Little Pony." Florida keeps suggesting plot devices.

 Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons .