For The Love of God, Someone Call Bill Frist

Michael Chertoff knows that children are our future. That why he wants to scare the shit out of them with the Department of Homeland Security's new just-fer-kidz preparedness campaign "Ready Kids" (cute font, etc.).

Curious about how we, too, could be Ready Kids, we checked out the newly launched web site -- tragically, we weren't ready, kids, for what we found there.

PEOPLE OF WASHINGTON -- THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY HAS BEEN INFILTRATED BY HUMAN-ANIMAL HYBRIDS . ABANDON YOUR HOME OR PLACE OF WORK AND FLEE.

 For a Preparedness Teaching Gig, Chertoff Hires This Cat With 9 Lives [WP]

 Ready Kids [DHS]