Fox & Friends Confused Which Toys Have A Penis And Which Have A Vagina

It is a day, which means there is a news story that is evidence of the PC police gone whackadoodly, and the adult daycare couch of "Fox & Friends" is exhibiting signs of confusion. The culprit: Target. How is Target making the Fox hosts confused and sad and scared? By removing gender-based labeling on children's toys.

Take it away, rocket brains:

STEVE DOOCY: Target. They're going "gender-neutral." Whatever THAT is. Have the PC Police gone too far?

ELIZABETH "THE GIRL ONE" HASSELBECK: Target is removing gender labels from its toy and bedding departments ...

BRIAN KILMEADE: How do you DO that?

HASSELBECK: I know, when you walk in and you look up and you head to girls' toys ...

KILMEADE: That always helped me!

Pause. Just pause. There's only so much stupid a human can take in 30 seconds.

Camera cuts to Alcides Segui, a Fox affiliate news person, reporting live from the scene of one of the Target crimes:

SEGUI: Is this going to confuse you? I know it's going to confuse me! (CHUCKLE CHUCKLE CHUCKLE CHUCKLE CHUCKLE! That's how he laughs at his "joke.")

Yes, because if we take labeling off things, no one will able to choose toys anymore. "He's a real boy's boy!" your Aunt Mavis will say, to help you decide what to buy for your little cousin's birthday party, and you will accidentally buy a Barbie dream house because NOBODY CAN TELL WHAT'S WHAT ANYMORE.

Having been 'splained how this is all going to work, Kilmeade makes this face:

Back to the syphilis brains:

DOOCY: So to recap, it will be the toys and the bedding, it will not be the clothing, which is good, because you need to know which is which.

Happens every time. You're just trying to find some nice grubby clothes for your little boy, and OH FUCK, how did we end up with a Little Mermaid costume, god-dang, we need them labels back!

DOOCY: How many times have you gone into a store, when I go to buy glasses, and they're all of them up on the wall, I will ask the person, are these men's or women's ...

KILMEADE: Exactly!

Doocy and Kilmeade have been through this before, and have vowed to themselves it will never happen again. That day Laura Ingraham saw them in the Fox News lunchroom with their new shades and spent the next year calling them The Pussy Glasses Boys shall not repeated, because it was mean and why does she have to be such a bully all the time?

Hasselbeck actually says a smart, pointing out that her kids were able to find the toys they wanted before they even knew how to read. Because really, this is not confusing, as long as you are not an idiot. Some boys like to play with "girl" toys, some girls like to play with "boy" toys, so why not just let the kids decide what they like to play with, instead of adding a little layer of shame to the act of begging their parents to buy them toys in the Target.

The men are not convinced:

KILMEADE: If you go to buy a gift for a boy who's 9 or 6, or a girl who's 9 or 6, you wanna be able to go to that section and pick out a toy they might want. Now you have to sit there and look at a blended area and wonder, "is this for a boy or is this for a girl?"

DOOCY: I think what they're saying is the boundaries are down. Boys and girls can play with the same toys now.

KILMEADE: Great. Fantastic. There's gonna be some unhappy girls and unhappy boys now!

Great. Fantastic. Let's see what the PC warriors have to say for themselves next time Brian Kilmeade goes gift-shopping and ends up getting his meat body stuck in a girl outfit and everybody's pointing and laughing and calling him "Ugly Elsa."

[ USA Today / RawStory ]