Fox: If Ladies Insist On Wearing Pants, No One Will Know Who Has To Shovel Out From Nemo

Oh Suzanne Venker. We can't quit you. Of course it is no surprise that Phyllis Schlafly's niece would be a dream come true for the likes of yr Wonkette. She's explained to us how ladies aren't lady enough anymore , and that makes mens sad. She writes a near-constant stream of frothy nonsense for Fox and National Review. She maintains a self-aggrandizing website where she has a whole page of praise from well known people like "Julia" and "Ed." We must say, though, that she really topped herself this time with her Fox News think piece on how we can only be happy when we are menz and ladiez, not some genderless inbetween abomination:

Those of us with children know better. We know little girls love their dolls and boys just want to kick that ball. This doesn’t mean men can’t take care of babies or women can’t play sports. It just means each gender has its own energy that flows in a specific direction. For God’s sake, let it flow. 

Now we know that you, your mom, your mom's best friend, and everyone else on the internet has already seen that for Venker's magnum opus on gender differences, Fox News chose to initially illustrate that bad boy with a picture of two ladies kissing. They've since changed the photo to some delightfully retro bathroom people , because everyone knows that's how dudes and ladies really look: faceless and made of blocky geometric shapes. (We were, surprisingly, forward-thinking and energetic enough to actually screencap the thing, but we're now too lazy to embed it, and you can see it at the Feministing link above anyway.)

To be fair, we assume that the concept of a butch/femme wedding is so terrifying and confusing to Fox News and Ms. Venker that no one ever really thought to check on whether the dude was indeed a lady, though frankly the female lesbian part of yr Wonkette took one look at the thing and knew, but homosexuals have that gaydr, or grindr, or whatever thing that lets them all recognize each other. But even if you are a not a dude-ly looking sort of lady or a dude that looks like a lady or any sort of homosexican, you're going to have an unhappy marriage anyway , modern-thinking people:

Marriage becomes a competitive sport. The complementary nature of marriage—in which two people work together, as equals, toward the same goal but with an appreciation for the qualities each gender brings to the table—has been obliterated. Today, husbands and wives are locked in a battle about whom does more on the home front and how they’re going to get everything done. That’s not a marriage. That’s war.

It’s time to say what no one else will: Feminism didn’t result in equality between the sexes – it resulted in mass confusion. Today, men and women have no idea who’s supposed to do what.

Yes, absent manly men and ladies so docile they're prone to fainting, no household can run itself. Instead, you just have some boring androgynous people fighting over who has to take out the trash. Also, too, since men are no longer men enough, they'll just let you drown when a ship sinks! Your world is going to be nothing more than petty household struggles capped off by a senseless shipwreck death. Welcome to your dystopian future, Wonkettians!

[ Feministing / Fox News ]