Garbage Men Cry For Lack Of A Google Doodle To Celebrate 'International Men's Day'

We can never truly understand their pain.

Yesterday was International Men's Day, a fact I did not realize until much later in the day, because of how I don't care. It was also International Toilet Day, which I did not realize either until I found out it was International Men's Day, because of how they are always the same day and that will never not be hilarious.

This is all to explain why you did not get your traditional International Men's Day post from me, which you are all probably very sad about. Before we begin, let us briefly pretend it is actually International Male Day and gaze upon these pictures of Shemar Moore, aka Agent Derek Morgan of CBS's "Criminal Minds" (RIP), posing for the International Male Catalog in a ruffly pirate shirt. Because that is some good content.

You're welcome.

So, it being International Men's Day, I checked back on my old Reddit feed of Angry Garbage Men stuff that I have not looked at since I stopped doing my Garbage Men series because one or two people were super mad about it, which in retrospect does seem a tad overdramatic now that I think about it.

As it turns out, they had very little to say this year other than to complain that they didn't get a Google Doodle for International Men's Day.

I'm totally serious. A Google Doodle. 

"Google is a simp" 

Note that the majority of these come from the MGTOW subreddit. As you may recall, MGTOW stands for "Men Going Their Own Way." So they're going their own way, but they're also really emotionally affected by not being properly celebrated by a Google Doodle.

"Celebrate your day brothers! Happy men's day! Even if everybody demonize it, celebrate your masculinity" 

Some of them even took it upon themselves to make their own Google Doodles — which, to be clear, they actually could have done as Google does in fact accept submissions for Google Doodles.

Is the guy in the middle supposed to be a particular person? Or just like, a general depiction of what a manly man would look like if ironic handlebar mustaches were still a thing. This feels very 2000s to me, and as such, perhaps the "G" should be wearing a trucker hat. Just offering suggestions! I like to help!

"I saw Google didn't change their homescreen for International Men's Day, so I decided to make a one" 

I particularly like how the men of color have to share one letter.

This one, however, was my fave. First of all, there was clearly more effort. But what I really like here is how the astronaut was given a massive bulge in his uniform so you don't think it's secretly Sally Ride underneath that helmet or anything. Nope, definitely a MANstronaut.

This complaint wasn't so much about Google Doodles as about how people were posting on Twitter about the issues men face due to toxic masculinity instead of "celebrating men and their achievements" like they do for women on International Women's Day.

It's true! On International Women's Day, I usually do a whole Twitter thread of women who did awesome stuff that we didn't hear about because of how they were women. I have a lot of things to say about silent film director Lois Weber who was actually way better and more innovative than D.W. Griffith (and significantly less racist!), about female labor leaders who get overlooked because for some reason people are weirdly invested in pretending the labor movement consisted entirely of white men in flannel shirts, and all kinds of other women who would be famous, were it not for sexism. There are literally no men who are not famous for a thing despite being men. In fact, usually when men are super famous for things traditionally associated with women, they are more famous than the women who do those things and also get paid more for doing those things than women do.

Ask the average person to name a famous ballet dancer, what are they gonna say? I'd like to think Misty Copeland or Maria Tallchief or even Anna Pavlova, but it's probably gonna be Mikhail Baryshnikov.

The reason people tweet about women's accomplishments is because those accomplishments were, historically, frequently overlooked.

If these men want International Men's Day to be taken seriously, they need to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and stop expecting everyone to do this work for them! They are more than welcome to do tweetstorms celebrating the accomplishments of men. They can submit Google Doodles. Literally no one is stopping them from celebrating the shit out of International Men's Day, we are just making fun of them for it.

Because frankly, it is hilarious.

Personally, I think it would be super swell if my biggest problem as a woman was not getting a fucking Google Doodle on International Women's Day, instead of having to worry that the Supreme Court will take away my reproductive rights. But, hey! That's me! I'm weird like that.

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