George W. Bush Selflessly Chooses To Let Others Enjoy All of Tampa's Strippers

George W. Bush was president for eight years, and it was awesome and he was famous he was powerful, but now he lives in a big mansion in... Dallas... eww... and has lots of money and never wants to see or talk about politics again. For the second consecutive time, he will not be attending the Republican National Convention. Since he is America's most popular president, perhaps even the Second Jesus, it must be a simple matter of scheduling issues. Sucks for him! He's going to miss some fun (/unfun and predictable) themed strippers in Tampa, the nation's worst city behind Charlotte, North Carolina.

These strippers will be state of the art, top of the line. For example: one club will feature a stripper resembling Sarah Palin, an idea that strip club owners nationwide thought would be creative within one minute of Palin's announcement as VP candidate four years ago. Also, these will be fancy science and technology strippers from the future:

One place is bringing in a stripper who looks like former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin. There are major renovations taking place. And some nude clubs have already been giving potential customers a taste of the talent online.

"Not only can you see the dancers on the stage and in the dressing room, you can also talk to them in an online chat room," said Don Kleinhans, owner of the 2001 Odyssey on North Dale Mabry Highway.

By the time the RNC begins in late August, Kleinhans hopes out-of-towners will have already formed attachments to his dancers from watching them online through the Club Cam System, which the 2001 Odyssey developed.

So the cutting-edge strip club marketing idea is apparently, "You can just stay at home and jack off to the strippers, on your computer." This could cannibalize the club's revenue stream, but hey, we are not MBAs as you had all suspected.

So... uhh... how were we forcing ourselves to tie together these two barely related stories again? George W. Bush will not be able to see the strippers in Tampa but can watch them on the Internet; that's the ticket.

Now everyone go play outside for a while, it's the weekend.

[ The Hill , Tampa Bay Online ]