German Police Defuse Sex Bomb, Bavaria Safe From Explosive Orgasms
Maybe a grenade-shaped sex toy is a little weird.
A police bomb squad in Germany was called out Monday to defuse what might have been an unexploded hand grenade from World War II, but it turned out to be a rubber sex toy. Yes really. The Associated Press reports that
A jogger reported finding a bag containing the device on Monday in a forest outside the city of Passau, near Germany's borders with Austria and the Czech Republic.
The discovery of forgotten or hidden munitions is a regular occurrence in Germany more than 75 years after the end of the second world war.
One big hint to the non-martial purpose of the rubber thingie: It was found in a clear plastic bag along with some condoms and lube. The police confirmed by searching the internets that there are indeed a variety of sex toys shaped like grenades.
We hate to tell you this, dear readers, but the most complete coverage of the story in English appears to come from the Daily Mail tabloid, which is the only source we found that reproduced a police photo of the grenadildo given to the German news agency dpa, which must think it's pretty special with its e.e. cummings lowercase initials.
It's unclear what exactly a rubber device for many cummings was doing by a jogging trail in the middle of a forest, but the Mail assures us that a "police spokesman told dpa that they suspected someone wanted to throw away the items, rather than putting them in the bin."
Perhaps it was some kind of kinky Candid Camera prank gone stupid.
We did some googling ourselves, particularly after Rebecca sensibly asked in the chatcave, "Whaaat ... would you do with a grenade shaped sex toy?" Our first thought was that perhaps the toy was based on a German grenade, which would seem a far friendlier shape for the purpose.
But that photo from the sex bob-omb squad is definitely a variation on a US grenade of WW II. This turns out to be a not-uncommon motif in the sex toy trade.
However, our search suggests that what we're looking at here is not so much a dildo or butt plug, but rather, a peener pumper-upper, because look at that valve up top. Looks a lot like this item from the Chinese Alibaba site:
Or this rather ickily described product from an Israeli site:
In conclusion, as they used to say when they played "Florida or Germany" on the old "Loveline" radio show, the weird sex stories are always from Germany, and the dumb criminals are from Florida, the end.
OPEN THREAD!
[ Guardian / Daily Mail ]
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you legit just told me I was defending the "purchase" which was not a purchase--ignoring what I actually said #1.
and that I was apparently okay with it. which was a special kinda take.
in any event, you may want to update yourself on what the 1033 program is so you're not confusing it for Craigslist. how are you, a person who claims to have run a municipal budget for 12 years, confused about how the RFP process works?
but, sure sure sure, let's push back against Bell suggesting that we fix the 1033 program so that when the military's looking for places to offload surplus equipment and they run across an RFP for "need more bullet resistant SWAT car" in the Nawth Cackilacky Registrar they can be all, "we have an MRAP you can have." THAT'LL SHOW ME! let's 100% not fix anything so you can spread your impotent pissed-off-ness in my general direction more. it's the best.