GOP Congressman Has Thoughtful Plan To End War On Women: Have The Women Surrender Unto Him

Ever since the GOP lost 183% of the non-penis vote in 2012, we have been pleasantly surprised at the abrupt turnaround of the Republican Party. Who would have imagined a pro-choice GOP that fights tooth and nail for equal pay for women! But for every two steps forward, there is the inevitable step backwards, this time courtesy of “back-bench member of Congress” Rep. Steve Pearce (R-NM), per the Washington Post:  

A Republican member of Congress [Pearce] says in a recently released book that a wife is to "voluntarily submit" to her husband, but that it doesn't make her inferior to him.

Oh yes, that most favorite passage of the Bible that conservatives super-promise is totally cool and DEMAND that we not take out of context, because thinking of submitting to the husband as leader of the family has nothing at all to do with him being superior and you being inferior. To think about it THAT WAY is just being all emotional, and you know how you ladies get when you think with your emotions, which are always running your world especially when you are PMSing, which is all the time, so don’t worry your pretty little head over this, because that’s the job of your husband, who is your leader, your guiding star, and your commander-in-chief. But not in a superior way.

So Pearce wrote this book, Just Fly the Plane, Stupid! which we imagine has very little to do with flying planes and more to do with mansplaining why Pearce is right about everything and his critics are wrong and stupid and probably going to burn in hell, which would be pleasant if only for the fact that not even Satan himself would force us to read a book by a no-name nobody Congressman who wouldn’t even get noticed at the monthly Obscure Caucus meeting.

In the book, he knows that he is dealing with controversial issues. But:

In the book, Pearce recounts his rise to owning an oil-field service company and winning election to Congress. In the book, the Vietnam War veteran says that both the military chain of command and the family unit need a structure in which everyone plays his or her role.

He said that, in his family's experience, this meant that his wife, Cynthia, would submit to him and he would lead.

We don’t know if he goes into it, but this is probably why gay marriage is doomed to fail. Lesbians will just listlessly amble about with no clear direction in life due to lack of leadership, only coordinated enough to maintain a robust touring schedule for the Indigo Girls. And gay men will just fight all the time about leading in different directions, never submitting, which is why there are no gay bottoms anywhere inIranthe world. Submission is for pussies, literally. But not in an inferior way!

Seriously, people, it really burns Pearce up when men “use this passage in order to ‘bully their wives and families.’ He says that ‘authoritarian control is not given to the husband.’” He has no idea how in the world some people would get that CRAZY idea. Why would people think that one person submitting to another person and allowing them to take the lead in decision-making would have anything to do with superiority/inferiority, especially when based on the totally logical basis of genitalia, is beyond us.

Also, we need to review the rules on taking biblical passages out of context. Here goes:

• If it says anything bad about anything that might be construed as ‘gay,’ then feel free to take it wildly out of context to oppress the gays.

• If it says anything about helping the poors, then feel free to take it wildly out of context so that it actually means just looking after Number One.

• If it says anything about ‘life,’ take it out of context to oppress women’s intellectual capacity in such a way as to demand that the government make their health care decisions, unless it is related to Obamacare which was drafted in the bowels of hell by Saddam Hussein.

• If it talks about slavery, pretend that it doesn’t, move along, nothing to see here.

• If it says anything about women being submissive, take it out of context only insofar as you bizarrely try to make it ok for women, because those people vote.

Perhaps we are not doing a good job of explaining.  If only there were some fictional President that was the wet dream of liberals and progressives everywhere, one who was able to address a passage like this with rhythm and pitch and timbre and volume, using words that might lift us up in ways that literal meaning can’t. Why, lookee here:

Just to note, we here at your friendly mommyblog don’t give two flying shitballs whether or not Cynthia actually submits to her husband, because we are hippie-dippy personal freedom fans, and if women want to submit to good old fashioned Christian spankings when they are bad, bad girls, then we do not want to stop them. And if husbands want to submit to their wife/husband/lover(s) for whatever reason, then we say do it and send pics to tips (at) wonkette (dot) com, because sometimes we get bored on slow news days.

[ Washington Post / West Wing via YouTube ]

 Both women & men can submit to DDM ( @Wonksplainer ) on Twitter.