GOP Debate Winner Barack Obama Says No More Press Releases

 
 If you watched last night's horror movie about what will happen when the world explodes in 2012, then maybe you are thinking to yourself, "That Barack Obama, he may be a secret Muslin terrorizing the economy, but maybe he is also all right." And that is because the Ultimate Secret to winning a GOP debate is a) not being a Republican, and/or b) not showing up at all! So it is actually a tie between Barack Obama and Rick Perry. Despite President Obama's debate victory, he is still rather ticked off about everyone hating him and blaming him for everything. He says the problem is not America, because America is perfect, of course! He says the problem is that Congress keeps sending out press releases instead of getting actual work done, a complaint with which John Boehner disagreed, in a press release.

Barack Obama embraced the fact that he does not have to hang out at a disgusting State Fair in disgusting Iowa by taking his Batmobile to elitist New York, specifically the "home of movie producer Harvey Weinstein, where celebrities Gwyneth Paltrow and Jimmy Fallon, were among the approximately 50 guests who paid $35,800 each to attend." Oh, fancy Obama, having dinner without corn dogs and a petting zoo, like you are "important" or something!

Obama said he told his Michigan audience that it deserves better than what it's been getting from Washington.

"They look at what's happening in Washington and they think these folks are really from outer space because they don't seem to understand how critical it is for us all to work together, Republicans, Democrats, independents, in order to move this country forward," Obama said.

"You've got to tell them you've had enough of the theatrics, you've had enough of the politics, stop sending out press releases. Start passing some bills that we all know will help the economy right now," he said. "That's what they need to do. They've got to hear from you."

House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, promptly responded with a news release, calling the president's remarks "political grandstanding" and urging him to deliver on promises to outline recommendations to rein in the nation's deficits.

But then they hugged and made it all better and came up with new ways to make everything worse, etc. etc. [ AP ]