Hey Robert Mueller, Adam Schiff Has A Sexxxy Present For You!

It's transcripts! Transcripts full of LIES!

God bless Jesus, they finally did it. After dragging their feet and crying a lot and asking Adam Schiff to read just ONE MORE STORY to them before lights out, the House GOP finally named its members for the House Intelligence Committee (HPSCI), which means the committee can finally get to work. Well done, journalists, for noticing the inexplicable and stupid delay and annoying the GOP about it! (Actually, the delay was not exactly "inexplicable." We think, based on what we know about Devin Nunes, that it was their last gasp at obstruction, before finally admitting to themselves and to the Lord that the Democrats are the boss of them now.)

The big reason this was important -- besides the obvious, which is that Chairman Adam Schiff and his Democrats have WERK to do -- is that special counsel Robert Mueller really needs the official transcripts of interviews HPSCI did with Trump-Russia witnesses, so he can see exactly how many lies they told Congress and tack charges onto his already probably quite large stacks of forthcoming indictments. It's not that Mueller hasn't seen any of these transcripts before -- he likely has. It's just that, as Schiff explained to NBC News, the committee itself has to vote to allow Mueller to use them for perjury prosecutions, and Mueller has to have official copies to proceed with anything like that.

Mueller has already used lies to HPSCI in his indictment of Roger Stone and in the guilty plea from Michael Cohen. Wonkette has been thinkin' for a hot minute that A LOT of these Trump motherfuckers really boned their own pet goats right in the face when they lied to House Intel. They thought Devin Nunes would always protect them, and that they were thus above the law in Trump's America, especially the laws against lying to Congress. But Devin Nunes ain't in charge no more! What's that old expression? Oh yeah, it's THAT'S HOW THEY GITCHA!

If we were Erik Prince and Donald Trump Jr. right now, we'd probably be a little bit worried, or maybe a whole lot worried, but we are not stupid, so there's that.

NBC News reports that, once the committee officially votes on it, which will likely happen next Tuesday at the committee's first official meeting, Mueller will receive more than 50 new official transcripts, and only a whole month after Nancy Pelosi's House was seated. Adam Schiff explained, NBC further reports, that Democratic sources are saying this little stunt by the GOP may have cost Mueller significant time, and you'll pardon us for assuming that was the entire point.

We're not the only ones, either:

[House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy] is sabotaging the work of this committee at this point, I don't think there's any way you can sugarcoat it," Rep. Jackie Speier, D-Calif., said ...Wednesday on "Andrea Mitchell Reports."

Oh well, all good things must come to an end.

Anyway, Kevin McCarthy says all their delays were totally legit, mm hmm, you bet, we are through with his excuses.

The GOP lost a bunch of members, due to how they lost big in the midterms, and only got to switch in one new idiot, who will be John Ratcliffe of Texas. He'll join other luminaries like the aforementioned Devin Nunes, Mike Conaway, Michael Turner (that guy is a  dipshit    ), and Will Hurd, who by our scientific analysis is the third least stupidest member of the GOP caucus in the House of Representatives. Also, it looks like that fucker Pete King has been kicked to the curb, because he's been term-limited off the committee and is unlikely to get a waiver, according to Politico. 

No word on if ranking member Devin Nunes will be allowed to bring love cows to his committee hearings, not that we are saying he definitely has love cows, because how would we know?

Democratic side is super cool, though!

Hooray for Adam Schiff's House Intelligence Committee!

LOCK THEM UP! LOCK THEM UP! LOCK THEM UP!

Now it is your OPEN THREAD!

[ NBC News ]

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