GOP Rep. So Mad At Takers, Obama For Military Cuts That Aren't Actually Cuts

If Congress signs off on the Pentagon's latest plans, the US Army will be smaller than it's been since before your grandpa fought at the Battle of the Bulge, Iwo Jima, Pearl Harbor, D-Day, X-Men, and Cracker Barrel, yer Gramma got a coupon.

This might look like a "cut" in the sense that something is being reduced, except it's not; the Pentagon plans to spend $115 billion more over the next five years than the Budget Control Act of 2011, aka the sequester, would have permitted. Remember the sequester? The thing that such members of Congress as GOP Rep. Mike McCaul of Texas voted for? The sequester cut the defense budget by about 10%! It was "devastating," we heard! So such members of Congress as GOP Rep. Mike McCaul are probably thrilled with the idea of giving $115 more billion dollars to our military, right? 

"It's all being sacrificed ... on the altar of entitlements. This president cannot take on mandatory spending, so all we've done in the Congress -- and this president -- is basically cut discretionary spending," [Rep. McCaul] told Fox News.

Yep, he's thrilled all right! He has found another thing to point at and yell "Obama takers did a socialism!" while being a huge hypocrite at the very same time. Mike McCaul for Darrell Issa 2016!

Congress has to approve the Pentagon's plans, and we have no idea whether they will; that will depend on who's got bases and/or contractors in their district, and who just wants to be a dick for fundraising purposes. Some aspects of the plan highlighted by media include:

• Reduces the size of the Army to between 440,000 and 450,000 soldiers. Our army will be roughly Atlanta-sized. 

• Keeps all of the US's 11 nuclear-powered aircraft carriers in service for now, but will not fund refueling of the carrier George Washington . Technically speaking, this means the shiny suit men won't put more magic rocks inside it when it wants to eat more magic rocks.

• Retires the Air Force's A-10 Thunderbolt/Warthog close-air support aircraft. We are mostly committed peaceniks here, but our inner nine-year-old has always thought the A-10 was badass. The US never exported these, and we like to imagine it was because they were too awesome .

• Keeps the controversial F-35 Joint Strike Fighter aircraft, but delays the Navy's version. This is supposed to be the most expensive weapons program in history, and it doesn't even look that cool, wtf?

A Pentagon official told the New York Times that "a result will be a military capable of defeating any adversary, but too small for prolonged foreign occupations." Considering troop levels in Afghanistan never got much higher than around 100,000, the "foreign occupations" claim is probably not true. Sounds nice, though!

We suspect this "Pentagon official" is emphasizing the size of the troop reductions as a way of diverting attention from how they're actually asking for more money. It's a dangerous world, people, and only money can defend us against the unknown numbers of Muslims who may be getting married in Yemen. Only eternal vigilance will keep us safe from… China? Sure, China.

  Follow Alex on Twitter for all the latest news about how fighter planes are actually so cool, cooler than race cars even, except this one race car he saw that was like WAHRRRROOOOOMMMMM! 

[ USA Today / Military Times / Clerk of the House / wbur.org / FOX News / wiki / TIME / UPI / CNN / Atlantic ]