GOP Will Protect Robert Mueller The Second It's Too Fucking Late To Protect Robert Mueller

SHIELD THIS MAN.

What are we to do with all the #TrumpRussia news going around right now? Last week, we learned that last summer, Donald Trump tried to fire special counsel Robert Mueller, but he couldn't get there, because White House counsel Don McGahn was all "I DO DECLARE!" and threatened to quit rather than help Trump carry out his own very dumb version of the Saturday Night Massacre. (The source for that? Gonna go with "Don McGahn," trying to make himself look extry special squeaky clean and heroic. Why it's coming out right now? Gonna go with "Don McGahn trying to warn us Trump is IN THAT MOOD again.") Meanwhile, Trump lapdog Devin Nunes has been running around waving a piece of his very big poo in the air, and inside that poo is a SECRET MEMO that shows that ... well it shows stuff! Bad stuff! (It shows that Trump appointee Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein thought enough of the Russian agent evidence against Trump campaign worker Carter Page that he re-upped the request for FISA surveillance of Page. WHOA IF TRUE!)

Last year, most Republicans were like "Robert Mueller is unimpeachable! Robert Mueller is an honest man! Robert Mueller looks beautiful in a bikini!" Even Newt Gingrich was swooning. But now that we have this new information about Trump's efforts to obstruct Mueller's investigation and his attempt to fire him, is Congress going warp speed to pass legislation to protect Mueller? LOL sure you bet.

There are two bills, both bipartisan, to address the subject. One was written by Democrat Cory Booker and Republican Lindsey Graham. The other was written by Democrat Chris Coons and Republican Thom Tillis, who has reacted to current events by deciding his own bill isn't THAT important, because Trump is cooperating with Mueller now and everything is just rosy. To which Booker and Coons responded, "THE FUCK YOU SAY?"

Let's check in with some other Republicans, to see how patriotic they are being about this!

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, who picks through bags of Starbursts to find the red ones Trump likes the mostest:

"I don't think there's a need for legislation right now to protect Mueller," [...] McCarthy [...] said Sunday on "Meet The Press." "Right now there's not an issue. So why create one when there isn't a place for it?"

Lindsey Graham, taking a break from golfing with Trump probably:

Mr. Graham ... said [on ABC's "This Week] he would be "glad to pass [THE BILL HE FUCKING WROTE] tomorrow," but quickly suggested there was no need to do so.

"I see no evidence that Mr. Trump wants to fire Mr. Mueller now," Mr. Graham said. "So I think we're in a good spot with Mr. Mueller."

Susan Collins, moderate GOP senator lady with a broken fancy glass elephant in her office right now, because it got murdered in a bipartisanship accident:  

Collins [...] said on CNN's "State of the Union" that it "probably wouldn't hurt" for Congress to pass legislation, but added [BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE BLAH BLAH BLAH].

Hell, even Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-Benghazi) voiced strong concern and also thoughts 'n' prayers for Mueller on "Fox News Sunday":

“I told my Republican colleagues, ‘Leave him the hell alone,’ and that’s still my advice,” Gowdy said.

We can tell Gowdy's colleagues, like Devin Nunes and Matt Gaetz, heard that advice LOUD AND CLEAR. Idea: Maybe Gowdy should tell them again, with a bullhorn, while giving them swirlies?

Funny sidenote! Gowdy also said this on "Fox News Sunday":

“Don’t Republicans hurt their credibility on real issues of bias when they make such a big deal about secret societies and palace coups?” [Fox News's Chris] Wallace asked.

“Yes,” Gowdy agreed. “Republicans are the best I’ve ever seen at taking good facts and overstating them and therefore changing the narrative.”

Trey Gowdy knows how awful Republicans are about that shit, because Trey Gowdy remembers that time Trey Gowdy wasted years of America's life investigating Benghazi fifty million times in a row! Trey Gowdy is simply appalled at that disgusting display by Trey Gowdy, we bet!

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. The two bills in the Senate to protect Mueller would have to be merged to clear up their differences -- as the New York Times reports, Graham-Booker would require the deputy attorney general to ask a panel of judges for permission to fire Mueller, whereas with Tillis-Coons, Mueller could appeal his own firing to those judges. And Chuck Grassley, chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee, is ON IT, just kidding, he is as credulous as all the rest of these idiots:

"If these latest reports [about Trump trying to Saturday Night Massacre Mueller] are true ... it seems to me that they show the president listened to good advice from his advisers."

If you have any beachfront corn farmland to sell in Chuck Grassley's home state of Iowa, we have found you a buyer, and his name is Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley, because that guy is a fuckin' MORON.

Anyway, everything is FINE, you guys, JUST FINE, these Republicans are grown-up patriots, and they are ready to take bold action to protect Robert Mueller, no later than five seconds after it's too late. Meanwhile, assuming "too late" comes, the rest of us will be taking to the streets. 

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[ New York Times ]