Gossip Roundup: I'm a Natural-Born Nincompoop Edition

•Reliable Source: Mark Shriverpays $9,500 to owner of dog he accidently shot. . .Jon Stewartto join ranks ofJeffersonandMadisonwhen he receives honorary doctorate from the College of William and Mary. He jokes, "Back then the requirements for the honorary doctorate were not nearly as stringent as they are now. Back then all you needed was a powdered wig and one venereal disease.". . .Colmes, Ingraham,others to appear at the Capital Book Festival. . .Noah WylejoinsFristfor Cover the Uninsured Week.Wyle: "I prefer national spokesperson, but I guess celebrity face works, too." [WP ]

•Under the Dome: Millertrying to repeal the 17th Amendment: "This government is in one hell of a mess, and frankly, my dear, very few up here give a damn.". . .Hollings: "Eight or 10 years from now, a majority of the Senate will be women. In fact, I think women make better senators than men. . . These little ladies likeElizabeth DoleandMary Landrieuare terrific senators.". . . Libertarian challenger forRep. Anna Eshoo's (D-Calif.)seat will pay voters $2 if they read his campaign literature and don't support him. . .Adam Howard,aide toRep. John Hostettler (R-Ind.)named best driver at a Mazda contest.

[ The Hill ]

•Heard on the Hill: Reps. Loretta Sanchez (Calif.)and sisterLinda Sanchez (Calif.)to participate in "Trading Spaces". . . WP reporter is out of the loop; didn't knowKatherine Harriswas in Congress. . .Rep. Nick Rahall (D-W.Va.)overdoses horse jokes when debating a horse-related bill: "Mr. Chairman, before we go galloping off and approve this bill, I think we need to pull in the reins and take stock of the significant problems with H.R. 2966. . . I would say don’t allow yourselves to become mule-headed over this bill. It’s time to pack it in and let H.R. 2966 ride off into the sunset." [ Roll Call ]

•Lloyd Grove's Lowdown: "TheGeorge W. BushQuiz Book" debuts. . . WhyLarry Davidthinks he should beKerry'sVP: "I'm a natural-born nincompoop ... I will deliver the nincompoops ... My cowardice is legendary ... I even lie about the time." [ NYDN ]

•Cindy Adams: According to new book,Clintonsent secret emissary to Iraq to warm relations after his election andSaddamaskedDan Ratherfor U.S. reaction toBush'swar plans. [ NYP ]

•Fox 411 Streisand, Diamond, Midler, Mellencamp, Sheryl Crow, Robin WIlliams,andWhoopi Goldbergto participate inKerryfundraiser at Radio City. [ Fox News ]