Happy Christmas, Heathens!

• The Obamas are going to have turkey and ham for Christmas. Wait, isn't that against theirreligion?[ Washington Post ]

• The Chicago airport was designed and built by Lucifer himself, who put a fancy "twist" on the hellscape by shrouding it in a six-foot layer of snow and ice. These days O'Hare airport specializes in ensnaring honeymooning Irish people, who will never visit America again. [ Los Angeles Times ]

• Huzzah, the New Depression has not prevented modern Brits -- whose founding father Charles Dickens invented Christmas -- from affirming their most basic values on the most important day of the year. Which is to say, they are all shopping their pants off instead of going to church. [ Guardian ]

• Meanwhile, Iraqi Christians are celebrating this blessed day by going to church and getting patted down by security guards checking for bombs. [ Reuters ]

• The real Maria von Trapp's real and actual grandson is a DISH. [ New York Times ]

• Science proves it: Sleep is good for you! And so back to bed. [ ABC News ]