Happy National Flapjack/Cereal/Crown Roast Of Pork Day!
That's ... certainly a meal of some kind.
Happy Weekend!
Today is, simultaneously, National Flapjack Day, National Cereal Day, and National Crown Roast of Pork Day. Are there people who call pancakes flapjacks? Is that a thing? Because they’re the same thing, right? Is it a regional thing? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone call them that in real life. Cereal Day is self-explanatory. Crown Roast of Pork Day I had to Google, and it turns out that it is that thing people are always eating or turning into (when someone is hungry) in cartoons, but which I have never seen in real life.
Fun fact — those tiny paper chef’s hats that go on the ends of bones in this dish and also turkeys in cartoons (and maybe in other people’s real lives but not mine) are called “manchettes” and they are there to disguise the bone for people who don’t like looking at bones and also so people don’t get food grease all over their hands while eating them.
I don’t really eat pork chops that have not been coated in Shake ‘n’ Bake, so I will probably never eat this (even though I do love a hat), but if you want to make one yourself, let Martha Stewart show you how!
Honestly, I have never been let down by Martha, recipe-wise. So if this is the kind of thing you are into but haven’t made ever, I’d give this a shot. People will probably think you are very fancy!
I have another festive present for you as well! It is a cereal commercial I found on the r/ObscureMedia subreddit and if you could see my face right now, you would see the face of the most delighted human being to ever walk on this earth. Because it is a commercial for some ‘90s cereals called called “Oatmeal Crisp” and “Oatmeal Raisin Crisp” starring Anthony Perkins from Psycho, talking about his mother like he is actual Norman Bates.
MY HEART.
Also, as a very big fan of both Cracklin’ Oat Bran and Raisin Bran Crunch, I am very sad to have missed out on what I now suspect may have been the best cereal ever?
Here is another cereal I swear I did not know existed but absolutely should have — Urkel-O’s! Or maybe I did but never got it because of how fake banana flavor is upsetting? I did have an Urkel doll, so you’d think, but one can never be sure.
Honestly, A+ jingle there, I will definitely be singing it for the next week.
Next up … WHAT THE FUCK THERE’S A CEREAL COMMERCIAL STARRING TORI AMOS?
This is not real, this is not really happening.
This is like, some “Y Kant Tori Read” era-Tori that I very much did not know ever happened — and there are like, at least ten people I need to text about this in order to find out if they were aware, but I’m writing this at 2 a.m. and that would just be rude. But it’s a cereal containing cornflakes! SHE WAS A LITERAL CORNFLAKE GIRL! Although not really, because “Cornflake Girl” was (figuratively) about female genital mutilation.
Quick change of topic, because I do need to share this with all of you — I am currently obsessed with this girl on TikTok who is “reparenting” herself by dancing in Target. I guess because her mom wouldn’t let her dance in Target?
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Whatever gets you through the day, I guess!
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Talk amongst yourselves!
True story about me and cereal. There's one cereal that I love above all others and you might find this silly but there's a reason for my enduring love of Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. My son would only eat Peanut Butter Cap'n Crunch. That and ONLY that. Nothing else would do. He would take the box into the family room and plop down and eat half the box while watching Mr. Rogers/Sesame Street etc. I would sometimes join him on the floor with the box between us digging in by the handful. I still occasionally buy a box in his memory and eat right outta the box like we use to. It's a good memory and the taste brings so many of those wonderful memories back to me. You'd never think that a box of cereal could do that, but I can tell you some of the strangest things can trigger memories and this cereal does exactly that for me - in a good/sad way.
In Yuri's honor I will make flapjacks - just a little different - by making a Swedish pancake because his grandmother was a Swede (Norma Jean the Great) and both of them should be remembered on this auspicious day with smothered flapjacks done with Swedish flair.
I did NOT just get a message from Uber offering me a $20 discount off my next 2 rides if I agree to have a teenage driver. I’m just hallucinating, right??
I guess this is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but in a fiery car crash with a teenage driver.