Happy ... Necrotizing Fasciitis Awareness Day?

Not awareness in the way that you should Google image search it, though.

Margot has it figured out. Courtesy of our pal Rod!

Happy weekend!

There really were not a lot of good options for today, holiday, birthday or historical event-wise, but hey! I am possibly more aware than most people of the dangers of necrotizing fasciitis, so why not share my neuroses with the world? It is, in fact, the number one way I would least like to die.

If you are not aware, it is a terrifying flesh-eating disease with a 30 percent mortality rate if treated and 100 percent mortality rate if not. You get it, usually, from bacteria getting into an open wound of some kind, so always wash your hands, use your Neosporin and keep a bandaid on it.

If you do start noticing a lot of swelling and redness around a wound that keeps getting bigger, you might want to get your ass to an ER.

Also! Never go into a hot tub, pool or ocean (particularly around brackish waters) with any kind of open wound or less than 24 hours after you have shaved your legs. See also, pedicure situations where they have the chairs with the little Jacuzzis for your feet. Pedicures are a minefield of potential danger, actually. Never let them use a callus shaver or razor (they’re illegal in many states for a reason), either. That might not be a necrotizing fasciitis risk, but it’s still unsanitary AF.

Also too — do not, under any circumstances, Google image search “necrotizing fasciitis.”

Anyway, now that we’re all having a panic attack together, I will bless you with a beautiful gift. And, because it is Chris Elliot’s birthday, that gift is the first episode of the brilliant but canceled-too-soon Get a Life.

You are welcome!

Your other present is … MUSIC VEST! A shiny, shiny vest that plays music wherever you go!

Honestly? 10/10 would wear.

Have you been struck with a sudden urge to shower us with money and jewels? If so, we are on Substack now so you can just go ahead and click subscribe! Click click click!!

 Or if you’d just like to donate just once …

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You can even send us paper checks to:

Wonkette
PO Box 38273
Detroit MI 48238

Talk amongst yourselves!