Hardcore Democrat Seeks Hardcore Republican

Elected officials and the media elite embrace the politics of polarization, but citizens still yearn for bipartisan spanking action. "You'll push my skirt up and spank me silly. After that's done, I'll sit on my bruised ass and masturbate, while you jack off on my face and chest...Suffice it to say that I could never bring myself to fuck a Republican, so this is as close as I'll come. Tell me how you can prove that you're a Republican and why you want to do this to a Democrat like me." What, no likely prospects on Hannidate?— GREG BEATO

 Member of the GOP? [Craigslist D.C.]