Hell-Raising Sen. Barbara Mikulski Retiring To Spend More Time Raising Hell

 Sad news for those of us who like Feisty^TM(that's the obligatory adjective for chicks who don't take no crap) lady Democrats in the Senate:

Maryland Democrat Barbara Mikulski will not seek a sixth term in the Senate in 2016. [...]

"Do I spend my time raising money or spend my time raising hell?" the Maryland Democrat said is a question that factored into her decision.

As NBC notes, Mikulski is the longest-serving congressional lady in our nation's brief history of lady-electing. She first won her Senate seat way back in 1986, before the Year of the Woman when electing women was the new black, before Congress was so crowded withsooooomany lady legislators, the House of Representatives figured maybe it was time to let them have a bigger bathroom with more than four stalls.

She's from what some of us olds might call the Democratic Wing of the Democratic Party. In 2002, she voted against invading Iraq, back when even many of her fellow Democrats thought that was a good idea and what could possibly go wrong besides everything? More recently, she voted against the Keystone XL Pipeline, like some kind of tree-hugging hippie Democrat. And she has a looooooong voting record of doing all the kinds of things progressives love: supporting paycheck fairness; reforming our health care insurance plans slightly, just like Hitler did; extending unemployment benefits like a commie who hates capitalism and freedom; telling religious types that no, they cannot discriminate against The Gay because of their "beliefs"; and trying to give abortions and slut pills to everyone!

Despite their best efforts -- including a real clever ad in 2010, accusing Mikulski of being a "political insidersaurus" hahahaha, that worked out great, just ask Sen. Eric Wargotz (R-Not Actually A Senator) -- Republicans have never been able to defeat Mikulski.

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That probably won't stop them from declaring the 78-year-old senator's retirement is a Republican victory AND a mandate, even though Maryland Republicans have not been able to send any of their dumb losers to the Senate since 1980, so good luck with that, guys. But surely they'll be able to findsomeonewho can help turn super blue Maryland red. Hey, doesn't Dr. Ben Carson live there, making him (technically) qualified?

Oh. Never mind then.

[ NBC News ]