Here's How Much The Ron DeSantis Campaign Is Sucking Today

It's almost like a Nice Time, but in the petty way.

Ron DeSantis is really bad at running for president.

The wannabe Napoleon (but without the charm) sent out a desperate fundraising text at 2: 30 a.m. Monday. He wouldn't risk waking his supporters over just anything, though. No, he was wailing about "radical Left" publication Politico — yes, Politico — stating that "Some transgender men do become pregnant," which is true, but Ron DeSantis will never stop fighting facts he personally finds unpleasant.

Twitter 

“The radical Left can continue to scream from the rooftops that ‘men can get pregnant,” DeSantis screamed from his own rooftop, “but unless we missed a major medical discovery this week, we will continue to fight the fraud.”

Transgender men giving birth has been widely reported in mainstream media for years now. This is not a “new” discovery and certainly not worth texting about in the middle of the night. You text me at 2: 30 a.m. and someone better have died or you will.

The text continued, "Media attacks won't hurt our campaign." What media attacks? Politico correctly observed that the DeSantis campaign is obsessed with culture war issues and repeatedly sends out emails mocking pregnant trans men, as if he's running for right-wing shock jock and not the actual presidency. When confronted with real issues affecting the world, like Russia's invasion of Ukraine or the climate crisis, DeSantis can only ramble on about the "woke mob" or "gender ideology." Dylan Mulvaney drinking Bud Light is not why Floridians are currently roasting in record heat and humidity. 

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DeSantis's late-night fundraising booty calls probably have something to do with Donald Trump raking in $35 million during the second fundraising quarter — almost double what Trump raised in the first three months of 2023. His average donation is about $34, suggesting solid grassroots support. Multiple indictments pay off!

The DeSantis campaign reported raising $20 million in the first six weeks since its fizzled launch on Elon Musk's folly. That's not terrible, considering the shorter window, but almost half — $8.2 million — was donated on the first day. His campaign seems to have similar legs as The Flash movie.

The pro-DeSantis super PAC Never Back Down has pulled in $130 million since March, but almost two-thirds was redirected from a Florida state committee originally intended to support DeSantis's re-election campaign last year. (This possibly violated federal campaign finance laws.)

DeSantis has crank-texted enough supporters to qualify for inclusion on the Republican primary debate stage. Joining him are Nikki Haley, Tim Scott, and Vivek Ramaswamy. It's less certain if Trump himself will show up — not that he needs to, as he's only expanded his lead since his last treason-related indictment. He has nothing to gain from a debate.

Demonstrating more of his savvy political skills, DeSantis has said he'll attend the debates even if Trump bails. The former president and clear frontrunner not participating renders the debates moot and offers a reasonable exit ramp for DeSantis. Instead, he'll serve as proxy frontrunner with none of the actual benefits, and Haley especially will use him as a political piñata, hoping to snag the "Trump alternative" position for herself.

Remember, this is what DeSantis looks and sounds like when he speaks in public.

Ron DeSantis Blames Media For “Math”  

DeSantis predictably blames the "media" for his poor showing in the polls, and it's hilariously similar to how Ted Cruz made similar claims when Trump was spanking him in 2016. 

DESANTIS 2023: It's pretty clear that the media does not want me to be the candidate.[  He means "nominee," though we wish he wasn't a candidate for anything, either.] 

CRUZ 2016: I recognize that ... that many in the media would love for me to surrender to Donald Trump.

DeSantis is also repeating the Cruz strategy of attacking Trump from the right on social issues, with more overtly grotesque queer- bashing that has alienated former supporters. 

Suffering from Cruz's own 2016 delusions, DeSantis insists the race isn't over and that this is a "state-by-state" contest. That's true, but he's losing in all those key states, including Florida, where the Mar-a-Lago resident is giving him the full Rubio by more than 20 points.

At the rate his campaign is going, DeSantis might soon start personally calling supporters at 2: 30 a.m. and weeping into the telephone.

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