Here's To The Real Ones. Tabs, Tues., May 27, 2025

Morning news roundup and things to read!

Tabs gif by your friend Martini Glambassador!

Hi hi y’all! Shy and I are back from our week-long vacation to New Orleans, and yes, we ate all the food and drank the drinks and maybe if you’re very very good I will give you some beautiful pictures of us at the end of this post! Okay, you’ve been very very good, I already know it. Now in the meantime here’s some terrible news and interesting things to read!

Should we pardon the men who plotted to kidnap, “try,” and execute Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer? The US Justice Department is pretty sure we should! And this is why you don’t try to make deals with this piece of shit, GRETCHEN. (Detroit News)

And in a similar vein, the following is still a rumor! Let’s see if it stays that way:

Yes, Joe Biden should have arrested Trump instead of giving him a second chance to build a paid (if that rumor turns true) brownshirt army. (Noah Berlatsky at Everything Is Horrible)

Trump went to West Point in his stupid hat and sundowned on about trophy wives, drag shows, and yachts. (Independent) Or, if you’re the New York Times, he “Gives Commencement Address at West Point, Stressing a New Era.” No link, you may have a Jeff Tiedrich instead! (Tiedrich)

But the Times is covering his corruption — even, Steve M. says, “begging” Americans to care about it. (No More Mister Nice Blog)

The “2028 Biden litmus test” is actually brain-damaged. The real litmus test is which of these fuckers GOING TO FIGHT. (Jason Linkins at The New Republic)

We could not be luckier than AOC being the face of the Democratic Party — at least if we want people to think Democrats are GOING TO FIGHT. (Mediaite)

NB: Team FIGHT does not include Fightin’ Rahm Emanuel, who thinks he is running for president, giving that a big ol NOPE. (Gift link Wall Street Journal)

Fully a week old, but I don’t know if we’ve covered it yet since I was on break: I never expected them to put a literal the-most-white-guy in ICE jail. I guess I didn’t have enough imagination! (Mississippi Free Press)

A good and depressing longread from our enemy Michael Wolff. We just won’t let our old people die. (New York mag)

A toast to our friend Victoria Brownworth, a terrific journalist who covered gay issues going back to Reagan and AIDS. She died last week of cancer, and journalism and the world are poorer. (Bay Area Reporter)

And a toast to our friend Stroke1, who made it out the other side. This will be a less cussed place without him, and we miss him already. His daughter let us know on Saturday:

Hello Wonketeers,

This is Stroke1's daughter posting on his behalf. I'm not sure how to get the word out, but I'm sad to tell you he died yesterday of what the doctors believe was a massive heart attack. His family was with him. The better part of the report is that he had an awesome first place team trivia victory the night before and was celebrating his birthday with good food, beverage and loved ones and I am confident he was about as happy as can be.

I know he enjoyed the comments section and the repartee and I have no doubt he would be bummed to be missing Caturday. I'm sure he will be missed here, too, and if you ever shared a joke or meme or song or good conversation or whatnot -- thank you.

Stroke loved coming up with the day’s theme songs, and he had great taste in music. Let’s play him out.

---

Wonkette runs entirely on contributions by you, our readers. Thank you for being our friend and keeping us living forever! The button below will let you donate one time or monthly, in any amount of your choosing.

Do you prefer Venmo? Here’s a button you will like.

And a subscribing button too?! Oh yeah, we’ve got that. Clickidy-click.

Not an ad! I just thought you might like to know! Gently used kids’ books on sale for $2.99 each when you buy four or more at thriftbooks.com. Make sure to read all the details on what is for sale and what the promo code is (it’s KIDSARECOOL).

Is an ad! Is time to IMPEACH!

Okay, let’s do some NEW ORLEANS!

1. In front of a cemetery wall in a lilac and turquoise silk dress I bought at the tourist mall; 2. Birthday husband at Commander's Palace. He has a vole under his hat. 3-4: GHOST INVESTIGATIN'! 5. Editrix and the Dolly Lama. 6. Husband in a temporarily white shirt about to mignonette some oysters at Peche, which is as wonderful as everyone says it is. 6. I bought a fan and will take it everywhere I go and fan myself constantly like an old church lady. If you are a woman in her 50s or above, you should carry a fan too!

We were home every night by 8 because what part of "we are 52 and 53 so we were out of the hotel walking around from 7 am to 5 pm every day" do you not understand? Until the last night, we stayed out until MIDNIGHT on Frenchmen Street. 1. I am sweating my actual face off. 2. Swamp pussy = pineapple, rum, and I forget. It was good! 3. We met this hilarious adorable couple from Kansas City, Kansas. She was white girl wasted and he found that hat in the garbage, which is awesome and she should be really proud!