Hey, East Coast, You All Doing OK?

Add your own Sharpie joke.

Tropical Storm Elsa is hitting the East Coast with rain and flooding and tornadoes , and did we mention the flooding? Twitter is full of videos a lot like this, although we hope not many people are actually wading through waist-deep water in the subways, lest they step on a third rail or a pizza rat. We assume there's a pizza rat in every NYC subway station, right?

Some subway system ya got there. This is the 157th St. 1 line right now. @NYCMayor @BilldeBlasio https: //t.co/xyfTAUPPNu

— Paullee 🤠 (@Paullee 🤠) 1625776315.0 

Hey, you don't suppose Rebecca assigned me to write about a major storm system on the East Coast just to see what sort of bizarre geographical and cultural blunders the Idaho Guy would make, so I sound like Victoria Jackson over-rolling her r's while saying "Nicaragua"? Would Yr Editrix be that MEAN? (Hahaha, I already know she would.)

Well you don't fool me! I know I wouldn't cross Times Square to get deep-dish pizza at Katz's Deli in weather like this.

 Here's more flood porn, from what I assume are several of the impromptu waterparks that sprang up around New York, famously known as the Bobbing Apple:

Subways and highways were turned into rivers in New York City on Thursday as a result of severe weather and floodin… https: //t.co/LjSSSx23d7

— NowThis (@NowThis) 1625840612.0 

In all seriousness, though, there are flash flood warnings for most all of New England through tomorrow morning, so for godssake don't go driving into water you can't see the bottom of, and don't go driving around road barriers. I may not know New York, but as a former Tucson resident, I know what flash floods can do: They can be deadly.

More than half of all flood-related drownings occur when a car is driven into hazardous flood water, causing many in cars to get swept downstream, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Officials also urge people not to walk through flowing water. Most drownings occur during flash floods. Six inches of swiftly moving water can knock you off of your feet.

If you get an evacuation notice, get the hell out, and take only the essentials, including pets. Hell, don't be looking at Wonkette for emergency information, check the National Weather Service , the National Hurricane Center, or your local authorities where you are, people, Jesus. We mostly do fart jokes here, but we want you to be safe.

Tropical Storm Elsa brings the risk of heavy rainfall, which may lead to flash flooding & strong to damaging wind g… https: //t.co/0obQazu8s0

— NWS Boston (@NWS Boston) 1625824657.0 

Elsa has also caused havoc in the South, as the Guardian reports:  

Authorities in Jacksonville, Florida, said one person was killed Wednesday when a tree fell and struck two cars. A spokesperson for the Naval air force Atlantic office said Thursday that a sailor assigned to a patrol and reconnaissance squadron in Jacksonville was killed.

Nine people were injured Wednesday evening in coastal Camden county, Georgia , when a tornado struck a campground for active-duty and retired service members.

The tornado flipped over multiple RVs, throwing one of the overturned vehicles about 200 feet (61 meters) into a lake, the National Weather Service said.

And if you want to ask if Elsa is related to climate change, the fast, flippant answer is that all weather now is being influenced by climate change, but yes, climate change has a very definite effect on extreme weather events, as the New York Times explainers:

The links between hurricanes and climate change are becoming more apparent. A warming planet can expect to experience stronger hurricanes over time, and a higher incidence of the most powerful storms — though the overall number of storms may drop, because factors like stronger wind shear might keep weaker storms from forming.

Scientists with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration forecast that there would be 13 to 20 named storms this year, six to 10 of which would be hurricanes, and three to five major hurricanes of Category 3 or higher in the Atlantic. Last year, there were 30 named storms , including six major hurricanes, causing meteorologists to exhaust the alphabet for the second time and move to using Greek letters.

It was the highest number of storms on record, surpassing the 28 storms in 2005, and included the second-highest number of hurricanes on record.

Unfortunately, the Fox Weather channel isn't up and running yet to explain that tropical storms can only be prevented by ending cancel culture.

Those of us out in the West are still recovering from the heat dome, and by Crom, it's well past time to get climate legislation passed, please, Congress. Then we can all go to New York and see the Macy's Parade in front of the Statue of Liberty.

[ Guardian / NYT / NBC Boston / National Weather Service ]

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