Hillary Clinton Chopped Off Trump's Head, METAPHORICALLY (But Also For Real)

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Well! We spent a gloomy afternoon wondering what horrors Mister Donald J. Trump had in store for us in his Bloody Carnival Of Blood And MURDERRRR: the guy who says he would never telegraph his plans ahead of time couldn't resist letting us know he was going to psych out his opponent by making her gawk in fear at three wraiths Sarah Palin, James O'Keefe, and ... Barack Obama's half-brother?

Apparently, Hillary Clinton does not care for your attempts to bait her, and will respond with the steeliest, coldest bitch of a smackdown seen since NOT EVER. THAT HAS NOT EVER BEEN SEEN BEFORE.

Previous Clinton Trump debates had me tearing my face off as Clinton started slow and fumphered about, responding to barbs by inviting us to go to her website for the real fact check. That is not how debates work, Madam Secretary! You are supposed to respond in the moment. 

She wasted no time smiling or attempting to be "likable," and let us know from the very first question (if you were a Supreme Court, what kind of Supreme Court would you be?) that she was here to Know Things and Have Ideas and Say Them in Sentences. Let's compare!

Clinton: Thank you very much Chris and thanks to UNLV for hosting us. You know, I think when we talk about the Supreme Court, it really raises the central issue in this election. Namely, what kind of country are we going to be? What kind of opportunities will we provide for our citizens? What kind of rights will Americans have? And I feel strongly that the Supreme Court needs to stand on the side of the American people. Not on the side of the powerful corporations and the wealthy. For me, that means that we need a Supreme Court that will stand up on behalf of women's rights, on behalf of the rights of the LGBT community, that will stand up and say no to Citizens United, a decision that has undermined the election system in our country because of the way it permits dark, unaccountable money to come into our electoral system. I have major disagreements with my opponent about these issues and others that will be before the Supreme Court. But I feel that at this point in our country's history, it is important that we not reverse marriage equality, that we not reverse Roe v. Wade, that we stand up against Citizens United, we stand up for the rights of people in the workplace, that we stand up and basically say, the Supreme Court should represent all of us. That's how I see the court. And the kind of people that I would be looking to nominate to the court would be in the great tradition of standing up to the powerful, standing up on behalf of our rights as Americans. And I look forward to having that opportunity. I would hope that the Senate would do its job and confirm the nominee that President Obama has sent to them. That's the way the constitution fundamentally should operate. The President nominates and the Senate advises and consents or not. But they go forward with the process.

The kinds of justices she would appoint, the issues that matter to her, and the added fillip of DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, SENATE. Gee, I think Hillary Clinton might have given some thought to the importance of the Supreme Court.

Trump: Well, first of all, it’s so great to be with you and thank you, everybody. The Supreme Court, it is what it is all about. Our country is so, so, it is just so imperative that we have the right justices. Something happened recently where Justice Ginsburg made some very inappropriate statements toward me and toward a tremendous number of people. Many, many millions of people that I represent and she was forced to apologize. And apologize she did. But these were statements that should never, ever have been made. We need a Supreme Court that in my opinion is going to uphold the second amendment and all amendments, but the second amendment which is under absolute siege. I believe, if my opponent should win this race, which I truly don't think will happen, we will have a second amendment which will be a very, very small replica of what it is right now. But I feel that it is absolutely important that we uphold because of the fact that it is under such trauma. I feel that the justices that I am going to appoint, and I've named 20 of them. The justices that I am going to appoint will be pro-life. They will have a conservative bent. They will be protecting the second amendment. They are great scholars in all cases and they're people of tremendous respect. They will interpret the constitution the way the founders wanted it interpreted and I believe that’s very important. I don't think we should have justices appointed that decide what they want to hear. It is all about the constitution of, and it is so important. The constitution the way it was meant to be. And those are the people that I will appoint.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg made fun of me. Second Amendment "and all amendments." Justices I will appoint will be pro-life, and pro-gun. "I don't think we should have justices appointed that decide what they want to hear." (Perhaps President Trump would set the Court's agenda for it each session?) "It is all about the Constitution of, and it is so important. The Constitution the way it was meant to be. And those are the people that I will appoint."

That is just ... dang. I think someone forgot his Brain Drugs last night! It went on like that the whole night, except some parts were even dumber. 

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton gave a firm liberal defense of a host of issues -- and put him on defense instead. Unembarrassed, taking it to him, she defended raising taxes (on the rich only, as she didn't forget to point out when he lied about Clinton "doubling" your taxes; taxes on those making above $250,000 will rise three percent ) and even late term abortion. She found it "unfortunate," she said, dripping contempt, that he would make hay of the excruciating choice faced by women whose pregnancies were almost to term when they had to make the horrible decision to terminate. She was outraged, and it FELT GOOD.

There was more, and it did go on. Chris Wallace didn't forget to remind viewers he worked at Fox News when he tilted questions hilariously. (The national debt. Trump will explode it by 5.3 trillion dollars. Hillary Clinton will not. "Why have you both been ignoring this question?")

But the debate was summed up as well in closing statements as it was anywhere else:

Clinton: Well I would like to say to everyone watching tonight that I'm reaching out to all Americans, Democrats, Republicans and independents, because we need everybody to help make our country what it should be, to grow the economy, to make it fairer, to make it work for everyone. We need your talents, your skills, your commitment, your energy, your ambition. You know, I've been privileged to see the presidency up close, and I know the awesome responsibility of protecting our country and the incredible opportunity of working to try to make life better for all of you. I have made the cause of children and families really my life's work. That's what my mission will be in the presidency. I will stand up for families against powerful interests, against corporations. I will do everything that I can to make sure that you have good jobs with rising incomes, that your kids have good educations from preschool through college. I hope you will give me a chance to serve as your president.

Inclusivity, fairness, humility and a call to action, all in sentences. How about you, Donald Trump?

Trump: She's raising the money from the people she wants to control. Doesn't work that way. But when I started this campaign, I started it very strongly. It's called Make America Great Again. We're going to make America great. We have a depleted military. It has to be helped. It has to be fixed. We have the greatest people on Earth in our military. We don't take care of our veterans. We take care of illegal immigrants, people that come into our country illegally better than we take care of our vets. That can’t happen. Our policemen and women are disrespected. We need law and order, but we need justice too. Our inner cities are a disaster. You get shot walking to the store. They have no education. They have no jobs. I will do more for African-Americans and Latinos that she can do for ten lifetimes. All she's done is talk to the African-Americans and to the Latinos, but they get the vote and then they come back, they say ‘we’ll see you in four years.’ We are going to make America strong again and we are going to make America great again and it has to start now. We cannot take four more years of Barack Obama, and that's what you get when you get her.

Incoherent attack, brag, diss the country and the military, pessimism and negativity and "I will do more for African-Americans and Latinos than she can do in 10 lifetimes," wrapping up with a slap at an extremely popular president.

Cool job, bro.

Hillary Clinton was splendid last night, Trump or no Trump. Should we all just take the next three weeks off and see you Nov. 9? Or ... what's this?

Oh, we guess we just stole your wallet. Best you've ever been mugged.

[Transcript at Politico ]