Hillary Clinton's Emails Totally Colin Powell's Fault, Why Does Colin Powell Hate America?

GUILTY OF EMAILS

We've been dutifully trying to ignore the latest round of "news" about Hillary's emails, because OH MY GOD SHUT UP, REPUBLICANS, NOBODY WHO MATTERS CARES. The FBI found conclusively that Hillary did not email classified information intentionally, and that she didn't lie about it, but that hasn't stopped dickbag GOP Rep. Jason Chaffetz and his grundle-sniffing pals from trying to beat the dead horse to a bloody death some more. But there is a piece of news that is actually interesting, as opposed to just a rehash of all the bullshit we already know. According to the notes the FBI passed to Congress on its investigation of Hillary, and in the latest round of Hillary's emails about "The Good Wife" and yoga and "What should we have for dinner tonight?" we learn that former Secretary of State Colin Powell actually was the one who advised Hillary to have her own private damn email:

Hillary Clinton told the FBI that former Secretary of State Colin Powell recommended on two occasions that she use a private email account for unclassified communication, sources told NBC News early Friday.

According to the Democratic nominee, Powell made the suggestions at a small dinner party shortly after Clinton took over at the State Department in 2009 and in an email exchange around the same time [...]

During a dinner party at the home of former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright in early 2009, the host encouraged her experienced guests — former Secretaries of State Condoleeza Rice, Henry Kissinger and Powell — to give Clinton advice for her time in office, according to The New York Times. Powell reportedly explained that he found it useful to use a private AOL email when he led the department in 2001. The dinner account is also detailed in a forthcoming book about Bill Clinton's life after the presidency by journalist Joe Conason.

Powell reiterated the recommendation in an email exchange with Clinton, two sources with knowledge of their communication said. Neither the State Department nor Powell have copies of the email exchange, but the FBI does, the sources said.

HEY TREY GOWDY, WE FINDED THE SMOKING GUN, AND ITS NAME IS "COLIN"! Now, Colin Powell says he remembers sending Hillary sexxx snapchats about her emails, but that he doesn't remember the dinner conversation. And the NINE PAID IDIOTS at Twitchy are all GOTCHA! and accusing Hillary of lying again, because they are friendless dorks who have never been to a dinner party and don't understand how Colin Powell might forget the details of that night. SPOILER ALERT: Colin, Condi, Madeleine Albright, Henry Kissinger and Hillary probably were taking Jameson shots off each other's belly buttons while they played strip Jenga and strip Sorry! and strip Twister, and literally NOBODY remembers anything about that night anymore. Allegedly. According to our sources, it started to get gross when Madeleine yelled "RIGHT HAND BLUE!" and Kissinger interpreted it as a sexual command. He is gross and weird and doesn't understand sexual commands very good.

Anyway, we already knew, because the Clinton campaign has told us many times, and also because we can fucking read, that going after Hillary on this issue of emails is highly questionable, since Colin Powell basically did the same thing. We did NOT know before that Colin actually said, "Hey Hillz, get your own email so you can do Benghazi in privacy."

Hillary could have spoken up publicly before and said "COLIN'S FAULT!" The fact that she didn't means she is #Classy and not somebody who throws people under the bus (unless they are Vince Foster and she is murdering them with a bus that day), and instead takes responsibility for her own shit. We like that.

NOW can we never talk about her fucking emails ever again? Hahahahahahaha no.

[ NBC ]