The Homeland Security Department is proposing to discontinue the color-coded terror alert system that became a symbol of the country's post-9/11 jitters and the butt of late-night talk show jokes. The 8-year-old system, with its rainbow of five colors - from green, signifying a low threat, to red, meaning severe - became a fixture in airports, government buildings and on newscasts. Over the past four years, millions of travelers have begun and ended their trips to the sound of airport recordings warning that the threat level is orange.
"The Transportation Security Administration informs you that the current threat level is a sort of beigey-creamish color, lighter than sandstone but darker than, say, parchment or even oatmeal. Report suspicious activity or untended items to one of the people in the uniforms that are somewhere between a Prussian blue and a really dark shade of blueberry."
Just record Sarah Palin's voice. Each step up in the threat level will have her voice more shrill and screechy, until at the highest level, she's shouting.
"The Transportation Security Administration informs you that the current threat level is a sort of beigey-creamish color, lighter than sandstone but darker than, say, parchment or even oatmeal. Report suspicious activity or untended items to one of the people in the uniforms that are somewhere between a Prussian blue and a really dark shade of blueberry."
Pretty sure the new system will indicate how far into your body the search will be conducted.
Low = visual as is elevated = visual, but coats, hats, etc removed medium = pat down high = naked (you, not TSA) pat down extreme = fisting
unfortunately, we can't discontinue the Palin-Could-Be-President Threat Level, currently orange:
green = sarah who? blue = blue state victory yellow = outlook cloudy, alaskagain orange = grand-mama grizzly measuring drapes red = red state victory
Just record Sarah Palin's voice. Each step up in the threat level will have her voice more shrill and screechy, until at the highest level, she's shouting.
Dude, you're stepping on Katy's outrage. Facts, shmacts.
The real problem with the color alert levels is the primary colors. Next version:
Navaho white Khaki Cinnamon Terra cotta Tangerine Basil Burgundy Mauve Espresso Periwinkle Parsley Slate