House Finally Passes DHS Funding Bill, John Boehner Now In Witness Protection

While we were still busy fuming over the hosannas being tossed at this asshole by a bunch of cock-gobbling cum muffins, the House actually managed to do something worthwhile: It passed a clean funding bill for the Department of Homeland Security. So DHS stays open through the end of the fiscal year in September, President Obama continues to have prosecutorial discretion over how best to allocate resources in deporting illegal immigrants and allowing some of them a chance to apply for citizenship, and the wingnuts of the Rabid Ferret caucus get yet another reason for daily blood pressure monitoring. Everybody wins!

Naturally, many people have a sad, because they are dumb.

Okay, first of all, the Hastert Rule is not an actual, enforceable rule. It’s just a thing Republicans made up that says any Republican speaker of the House shouldn't even allow a vote on a bill unless a majority of the caucus supports it. No one is obligated to follow it. The Parliamentarian of the House is not going to sanction John Boehner for ignoring it.

Second, and we can’t believe we’re defending John Fucking Boehner, but the man is the leader of the House of Representatives, just like Obama is the president of all Americans, much to the chagrin of every liberal who still mourns the demise of the public option. He’s got an obligation to keep the departments of government operating even if idiotic boy wonder reporters from Dead Breitbart’s Cocaine and Rage Emporium disagree.

Boehner also is well aware, or at least perceives it through his usual surrounding miasma of tobacco smoke and bourbon fumes, that he doesn’t have a hand to play here. Mitch McConnell can’t get a bill stripping funds for Obama’s immigration actions through the Senate. He tried and failed four times. Even if he could, the president will never sign it.

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Now, if perhaps Boehner and the nutballs in his party had taken up that Senate immigration bill that languished for a year in the last Congress, you could have at least some of what you want here.

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But no, you guys had to take your all-or-nothing approach to the illegal Kenyan Usurper and win control of the Senate so you could force your will on him as if he and all the Democrats still in Congress were not still elected officials with their own constituents and some mechanisms of parliamentary procedure still open to them.

So now you get nothing. Sucks when the other party says “NO” to everything, doesn’t it? Almost as if saying “NO” to everything makes it damn near impossible to enact ANY policies you want at all, huh?

Anyway, everyone stay tuned for a couple of days of stories about how conservatives in the House are really for serious going to overthrow Boehner this time, absolutely for sure, followed by their adorable little coup fizzling out and gridlock resuming its rightful place as the defining aspect of our political era. Hooray for republican democracy.

[ The Hill ]