How About We *Don't* Have A Bonfire Of The Vanities Today?

It's the anniversary of the historical event, not the Tom Wolfe novel.

Gremlin and Monkey, enjoying the chair by the fire, courtesy of our pal peregrin

Happy Weekend!

Today is a lot of things, perhaps most strangely “Wave Your Fingers At Your Neighbors Day,” to which I say “No thank you” on either end. It is also the anniversary of the original bonfire of the vanities (from which the Tom Wolfe novel got its name).

You see, there was this Dominican friar and notorious god-botherer Girolamo Savonarola who was originally brought to Florence by Lorenzo “The Magnificent” di Medici, who was not a magician but the lord of Florence. Anyway, he ultimately soured on that deal, turned on the Medicis and at some point during the reign of Lorenzo’s son, Piero “The Unfortunate” di Medici, helped overthrow the whole dynasty.

After that, Savonarola somehow found himself the de facto ruler of Florence. So what did he do? He threw the world’s worst party on Martedi Grasso during Carnevale in 1497 (yep, that would be the Italian version of Mardi Gras) in which everyone was expected to burn all of their cosmetics, art, mirrors, musical instruments, secular music, books and what-have-you in a mass rejection of everything Savonarola found personally offensive.

I have to say, that takes “guy who wants to be congratulated for not liking makeup” to a whole new level.

Anyway, the Pope (Alexander VI, one of the Borgia ones) at the time was like “The fuck are you doing? No one told you to burn everyone’s stuff!” and told him to get his ass back to Rome. Savonarola was not into that at all and responded:

`Come, infamous Church, listen to the words of your Lord: "I have given you splendid robes, but you have made them cover idols; I have given you precious vessels, but you have used them to exalt your false pride. Your simony has profaned my sacraments; lechery has made of you a pockmarked harlot. And you no longer even blush for your sins! Whore that you are! You sit on Solomon's throne, and beckon to all who pass you by. Those who have money you bid a welcome to, and have your pleasure of them; but the man of goodwill is cast outside your doors!"'

And … that got him excommunicated. About a year later, after taking a bit of a break from preaching, he started going off about how he could totally do miracles, and another preacher was like “Fine, my dude, walk through this fire and see how that works out for you!” But, luckily for Savonarola, another friar offered to walk through the fire for him (not sure what that would prove but okay?), and then luckily for that guy, the whole thing got rained out.

The church, however, did take notice and ended up setting dude on fire anyway. And that is yet another lesson in mind your own business.

Technically, a whole lot of Iranians actually did have a bonfire of the vanities this past week after Huda Kattan of Huda Beauty made some very poorly thought out pro-regime comments, and have been filming themselves destroying their Huda Beauty products en masse. She’s since apologized and admitted she didn’t know what she was talking about, explaining that, as an Iraqi, she’s had bad experiences with the US and regime change, but people don’t seem to be buying it. I’m holding onto my Pretty Grunge palette for now and hoping she can get her shit together.

Anyway, your present for this week is, appropriately, a makeup tutorial for beatniks who would like to become fancy ladies. You are welcome!

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