How Is The Clinton Foundation Colluding With State Department To Rape Puppies Today?

Time for an 11-hour hearing. The Clinton Foundation, it's this thing. It is very, very terrible and there is a lot of collusion, and it is all pay for play, because sometimes people who gave money to the Clinton Foundation asked if they could have meetings with Hillary Clinton. The AP did a whole story about this, which we ignored, but we should not have ignored it, but Hillary Clinton definitely SHOULD have ignored the Nobel Prize winning guy who invented microloans, and who she'd been working with since she was First Lady of Arkansas, her meeting with him was obviously only because she loves that cold hard KKKlinton Kash, the kind the Clintons get zero of from their foundation, because what are they,farmers  Donald Trump? 

Well, now the august New York Times is taking its whacks, and you will not believe the collusion and pay for play they've found now! Just look at this headline, which suggests all kinds of skulduggery: "Emails Raise New Questions About Clinton Foundation Ties to State Dept."

WASHINGTON — A top aide to Hillary Clinton at the State Department agreed to try to obtain a special diplomatic passport for an adviser to former President Bill Clinton in 2009, according to emails released Thursday, raising new questions about whether people tied to the Clinton Foundation received special access at the department.

So dude, Douglas J. Band, probably wanted to go party it up in Cabo San Lucas but, like, doublepark the whole time and never pay his tickets, right?

Mrs. Clinton’s presidential campaign said that there was nothing untoward about the request and that it related to an emergency trip that Mr. Clinton took to North Korea in 2009 to negotiate the release of two American journalists. Mrs. Clinton has long denied that donors had any special influence at the State Department.

Wait, dude was going to NORTH KOREA? That does not sound like fun bikini hijinks! And he was going to help Ol' Bill Clinton negotiate for American journalists who were having to do the news for Kim Jong Un? What's that line about "Mrs. Clinton has long denied that donors had any special influence at the State Department"? Who's the donor? The journalists? Doug Band? NORTH KOREA? IS NORTH KOREA DONATING TO THE CLINTON FOUNDATION????

That would be a problem!

The request by the adviser, Douglas J. Band, who started one arm of the Clintons’ charitable foundation, was unusual, and the State Department never issued the passport.

Oh.

Huh.

Might as well start the impeachment proceedings now, Paul Ryan, because Hillary Clinton never gave a diplomatic passport to her husband's aide who wanted one to go party like a rock star at North Korea's all you can eat gravel buffet.

[ FuckYouNYT ]