How Mike Pompeo Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Sticking His Nose Missile Up Trump's Butt

OR IS IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND?

It's been apparent ever since Mike Pompeo became the head of the CIA that he was way   up Donald Trump's ass. He lived there. He constantly downplayed Russia's interference in Trump's "election," he shared classified intel with then-National Security Advisor Michael Flynn after the Trump administration was alerted to Flynn's little kompromat problems, and he did both while also   trying to insert his own "Handmaid's Tale" version of Christianity into the CIA's operations.

And then he moved to State, where, of course, he is still up Trump's ass, and still doing the same "God Hates Fags" Jesus thing. (His church in Wichita, Eastminster Presbyterian, is affiliated with the Evangelical Presbyterian Church, which is one of the Taliban-like hardliner insurgent groups that broke off from the regular Presbyterian church because it was too nice to gays.) Of course, at State, he has quite a habit of veering way outside his lane, he seems to have more authority than the secretary of Defense (who is some lobbyist right now, but we're sure that'll change), and, as James Risen argues at The Intercept, he's still acting as Trump's " de facto intelligence czar."

But Susan Glasser at the New Yorker is out with a piece today that reminds us that Pompeo didn't used to be this way with Trump. He was always a wingnut batshit insane moron conspiracy theorist jackass, as anybody who watched the Benghazi hearings witnessed. (When Trey Gowdy closed up the Benghazi shop and issued his report, which AHEM cleared Hillary Clinton of all wrongdoing, Pompeo got so memorably mad that he and Jim Jordan issued their own addendum to the report, which said NUH UH!) But he used to have clearer eyes about who Donald Trump was.

Here's a clip of Pompeo, who was a Marco Rubio supporter, saying accurately in 2016 that Trump would be an "authoritarian president." And yes, he was saying that like it was a bad thing:

This video of Pompeo saying Trump will be an “authoritarian president” is striking to see in contrast to his curren… https: //t.co/clOYCzYsUt

— John Hudson (@John Hudson) 1566222243.0 

In that speech, Pompeo was up his own ass, saying Trump would be an authoritarian like Barack Obama . (We don't know why Republicans thought this, but we're pretty sure they saw it on Fox News and that the fake "Fast and Furious" scandal was involved.) But aside from the part where Pompeo sounded like he was huffing cow methane farts, he wasn't entirely wrong:

As the audience booed, Pompeo warned that Trump—like Barack Obama—would be "an authoritarian President who ignored our Constitution." American soldiers "don't swear an allegiance to President Trump or any other President," Pompeo declared. "They take an oath to defend our Constitution, as Kansans, as conservatives, as Republicans, as Americans. Marco Rubio will never demean our soldiers by saying that he will order them to do things that are inconsistent with our Constitution."

So what happened? Did Mike Pompeo get dropped on his head as an adult? Is he just a craven self-serving shitheel who doesn't love America as much he loves his power? Does he believe there is a spiritual component to all this, like maybe God chose Donald Trump to be a Bible character, and therefore he, Mike Pompeo, must submit to the will of the Lord, which is obviously for a mindfuckingly stupid authoritarian fascist wannabe with self esteem smaller than his #BabyBella dick (allegedly!), who's been accused of rape and sexual assault by more women than we can count on our hands and toes, and who is only president because a hostile foreign power made it so, to destroy America from the inside out? Is that what GOD wants, Mike?

Yes, that's what he thinks, MAYBE:

Pompeo, an evangelical Christian who keeps an open Bible on his desk, now says it's possible that God raised up Trump as a modern Queen Esther, the Biblical figure who convinced the King of Persia to spare the Jewish people. He defines his own job as serving the President, whatever the President asks of him.

Conservative Christianity has always been a cancer on this country, but they have truly lost their goddamned minds.

A former ambassador gave the   New Yorker the best statement EVER about Pompeo's suckupsmanship:

No matter what Trump has said or done, Pompeo has stood by him. As a former senior White House official told me, "There will never be any daylight publicly between him and Trump." The former official said that, in private, too, Pompeo is "among the most sycophantic and obsequious people around Trump."Even more bluntly, a former American ambassador told me, "He's like a heat-seeking missile for Trump's ass."

Former ambassador, YOU are invited to be our personal understudy at Wonkette!

So yes, this is a story of how Mike Pompeo spends all his days and nights kissing the king's ass. However, the article at least suggests that in some ways, according to people close to Pompeo, it might be the other way around, and that Pompeo might just be #BeBest at managing Trump. Is it possible Trump lives in Pompeo 's ass, and doesn't know it? Are there even gold-plated toilets up in there? (Probably not, because as the New Yorker points out, Pompeo is the poorest member of the Trump cabinet and is not even worth a million American dollars.)

"He's in a sense become the real adult in the room," Ian Bremmer, the founder of the geopolitical advisory firm the Eurasia Group, told me. "It is less the case than he would like, but vastly more the case than anyone else." Pompeo's Republican friend told me, "He's not an enabler of Trump. He does a lot to try to manage him." Others believe that Pompeo is merely posturing. He is a politician who knows his audience; he wants to give the impression that "he generally agrees but he's working with this wild man," another former senior State Department official, who has met with Pompeo privately, told me. "He always has this sheepish 'I know,' but won't show his hand."

Susan Glasser adds that "[N]one of the people I spoke with thought Pompeo harbored any illusions about the President." So that's interesting, yet not comforting, because we are still talking about Mike Pompeo, who is a goddamned fucking idiot.

Here are a few more facts about what's gone on with Pompeo, ever since he started batting for #TeamTreasonWeMeanTrumpWeMeanTreason:

1. He was super OKwith Trump by the time the Republican convention happened, and because of his close ties with Mike Pence, another "God Hates Fags" Jesus freak funded by the Kochs, he was able to snake his way into the CIA job. But apparently, when they met just after the election, he was still willing to disagree with Donald Trump:

Trump wanted to lift sanctions on Vladimir Putin's regime, and disdained the U.S. intelligence community's finding that Russia had intervened on his behalf in the election. "You're wrong about Putin," Trump told Pompeo, according to an account that Pompeo later offered to Republican insiders. "No," Pompeo said. "You're wrong."

Would he say that today? Could we even hear it if he did, since he lives inside Trump's butthole now?

2. Trump was very madwhen he found out that he had just given the CIA job to the guy who used to call him an authoritarian shitheel:

After the announcement, Jeff Roe, Ted Cruz's former campaign manager, called Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner, and reminded him of Trump's fury at Pompeo's Kansas caucus speech. As Tim Alberta recounts in his book, "American Carnage," Kushner put the call on speaker, so that Trump could hear. "No! That was him? We've got to take it back," the President-elect roared. "This is what I get for letting Pence pick everyone."

But Trump caved and didn't withdraw the nomination, because Trump always caves. And once Pompeo was confirmed, the suckupping began in earnest, and now Trump loves his perfect boy. Apparently Pompeo used the conflicts between Trump and Rex Tillerson -- who thought Trump was a "fucking moron" and was correct about that -- to his advantage in jockeying for the State position, and he proved his worth to Trump when he was one of the only people who supported pulling out of the Iran deal, even though his own CIA analysts were telling him that would be #dumbfuckingdumb.

3. Jared thought it would be a really good ideato hire Pompeo at State. Jared also thought Democrats would fall all over themselves in love with Trump if he fired James Comey to criminally obstruct the Russia investigation, and that Democrats would really love it if Trump would commute Rod Blagojevich's sentence, because you know how Democrats are, always crying because we wish Blago wasn't in prison. Jared has poor judgment.

4. Pompeo closed a US consulate in Iraq,because he didn't want Benghazi to accidentally happen to him, hey wouldn't THAT make him look like a super piece of shit, even more than he already does?

Last September, he ordered the closure of the U.S. consulate in the Iraqi city of Basra, despite objections from some State Department officials. "He did not want Basra to be his Benghazi," a former senior U.S. official who discussed the decision with Pompeo said. Another former senior U.S. official, with experience in Iraq, told me, "Absolutely, it was an overreaction. He wears Benghazi around his neck."

We ... we just ... Jesus Christ.

 
 Giphy 

Anyway, like we said, go read the whole thing so you can be an expert on terrible ass-kissing fuckhead Mike Pompeo. It will take you one million years, because it is very long. Have fun with that!

[ New Yorker ]

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