How to Not Look as Bad a John McCain Tonight

Your 2008 Republican All-Star Team is debating tonight in godless California. And they all have a bit of a problem: while 70% of Americans would like to give the President a hard kick right in the shins, the insane old xenophobes who actually vote in Republican primaries still love the guy.

So how can the Republican Presidential Nominee-to-be make his distaste for the President known to the rubes who'll be voting in November '08 while hiding it from the rubes who'll nominate him? Here are our tips:

* When criticizing "the White House," make it clear that your real problem is with the buildingitself, not the building as symbolic stand-in for the Bush administration. Metaphors are for liberals!

* If asked about George Tenet -- or other former administration allies who've since turned against the President -- mention your deep respect for the man, but make the "jerking off" gesture.

* How would you have managed the invasion and occupation of Iraq differently? You would've thrown Cindy Sheehan in jail, dammit!

* Feel free to trash the President on immigration. Unless you're trying to be competitive in California, then trash the President on immigrationin Spanish.

* Don't be John McCain.

Hope that helps, guys! Enjoy your fun little debate, it's a shame you'll all be totally forgotten once theLaw & Orderdude finally announces!

 G.O.P. Contenders Ponder What to Say About Bush [NYT]