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Howard Dean Will Ruin Florida This Time
From Al Gore to John Kerry to the opera-loving liberal Rudy Giuliani, Democrats have a long and proud history of bungling the Florida vote. And so for many months, the same question has hung on every Democrat's lips: which political figure will be the one to ruin the party's chances of winning Florida in the 2008 presidential election? The answer may surprise you!
It's Howard Dean, of course. As the chairman of the Democratic National Committee, he has had the honor and the privilege of presiding over the biggest clusterfuck in American primary season since the historic 1887 Shootout of Guadalcanal, in which seventeen Democrats arm-wrestled for the nomination until all but one of them expired. With the Florida delegation all mad that they can't be seated at the Democratic National Convention, on account of the state legislature pushing up its primary date with the consent of Democratic lawmakers, this could turn out to be a huge debacle.
Millions of retirees who ache to cast a vote for their favorite Democrat, Pat Buchanan, are now disenfranchised thanks to old Necky's arrogant chest-thumping and patrician thwarting of the popular will. Look out, Howard Dean! No more free suntan lotion for you.